Wednesday, October 21, 2015

R & R

Yesterday was unexpected.

I went to a foot spa with my mom and afterwards, we went to the casino.

The last time we went to a casino we did pretty good but this time we got our asses kicked pretty hard. 

We had a winning streak going into last night and all that came to a screeching halt but dang it was sure fun.

We were at the casino for 9hrs, winning, losing, winning but mostly losing.

Because ended up gambling so late, we ended up getting a room in nearby Woodlands, California.

This afternoon, we returned home, exhausted, broke & happy.

This was definitely was one of my best mini breaks I've had in a while.

I would like to do yesterday again but next time, hopefully we'll win something.


Monday, October 19, 2015

Classic Charlie Ballard Moments !!

This past month I had a classic, "Charlie Ballard Moment" , I misplaced my iPod in my room and couldn't find it.  So I turned over my living room looking for it.  Then I went online to find it and I made it beep.  Now heres the kicker, while I searched hi & low for it, I could hear it beeping, I just couldn't find out where it was beeping from.  This went on for about 10-15 minutes.  I knew I kept getting closer because I could hear myself getting closer & closer to the beep but no dice, I just couldn't find it.  And then, I felt my back pocket and guess what I found, my iPod.  I'm such a dumb ass.

This has happened to me a few other times in my life.

When I was 10, I remember losing $2 dollars and again, I literally flipped over my entire house looking for that money and it was in my shirt pocket tee the whole time.

In high school, at the age of 16, I was playing tennis with Cole Powsky and I swung that racket so hard that I thought I knocked my glasses off my head.  So I began to freak out because I couldn't find them anywhere on the ground and guess where they were, on top of my head.  OMG, Cole could not stop laughing after he said, "they're on your head" .

So there you have it, at least I'm consistent.


Friday, October 16, 2015

Dear Bus Driver

This poem is dedicated to the cute bus driver who gave me a ride home tonight on the 57.


Dear Bus Driver

I've seen you before but on another bus line.
I thought you were really hot so when it was time
for me to exit the bus, I purposely left thru the front door
so I could see your cute smile.

And I caught you looking at me in your bus mirror,
maybe you were looking at
the bun in my hair,
my kung pao chicken carry out,
my eyes,
piercing back at you,
eating you up alive,
ohhhhh, so delicious

And when I exited the bus and you said, "goodnight"
I acted like I didn't hear you because
I was wearing my headphones,
but you know what, I did hear you,
and I was just acting cherry

Because in my mind,
that was my way of seducing you,
a trick I learned from watching
an old Jeremy Irons Geisha movie,
Madam Butterfly

so the next time I see you,
get ready to pop a boner
because I'm going to rock
your world and say goodnight back.

Monday, October 12, 2015

These Dreams

My dreams are so weird.

Yesterday when I finally deleted that bitch's personal messages from my twitter account, the same night I have a dream about her with another comedian.

In my dream I remember seeing her walk this other comic in front of her like he was her dog.

And then tonight, I saw that same comic at the comedy club. 

So I really don't know how to interpret that dream, is this comic her new watchdog?  It just seemed so weird to dream about this other comic and see him at the club the following day.  I have no reason to dream about him.

In college, I was really in love with this guy and when I finally got over him, I remember dreaming about being in a laundry mat and saying to him, "nope, nope ..."  .   I view being a laundry mat as being a place to wash out negativity, bad relationships, and other unwanted junk.

Sometimes I wonder how people dream about me.

* In college, a friend said she dreamt about me that I was dressed like a dragqueen killing zombies with a sawed off shot gun. 

* In 1996, while hanging out in Bullhead City, Arizona, a friend said he dreamt about me dancing under the spotlight. 

* Another time in college, a gal pal said she had a sex dream about me.  (blushes)

For me, I can honestly say I lived out most of my dreams. 

Now what?


Thursday, October 8, 2015

My First Movie Screening !!

happens tonight at the Embarcadero Cinema in San Francisco.  

I'm pretty excited!  It's always been a dream of mine to have my big mug seen on the silver screen!! 

So far the first review is in and it's, "charming" !!  

I'm looking forward to seeing all the cast again, they were so much to work with. 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Highs & Lows

I usually save this blog for the end of the year but it feels like it wants to come out now.

Earlier this year, I started off with some incredible highs and in the Summer thats when everything began to turn to shit.

These were the highs:

* In March I traveled to NYC for one of Margaret Cho's tapings.  It was pretty exciting, NYC has always been a great place to visit.  I also met up with a old comedy friend - Edison Apple.  After the 1st show we hung out with Margaret back stage and somehow she talked me into dancing for her 2nd show.  Honestly, I wasn't there to perform, I was there to hang out as a fan but sure, okay whatever. I went for it.

* While visiting NYC, I got to run around at night with Edison in drag, he took me to all the clubs in the area, some fun, some just okay.  While walking around in the neighborhood, random people kept asking me to stop for a photo! I really do love drag admirers, they know how to make a girl feel special, I love doing drag even more, it brings so much happiness to people.

* In April it was time to get ready for the Gathering of Nations Powwow in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  I was such a hit last year in drag that I had to do it again.

* In May, I was burnt out and wasn't in the mood to do anything but my mom convinced to me to attend Rupaul's DragCon at the L.A. Convention Center.  I hate to sound cliche but sometimes mothers do know whats best.  Heres the kicker, I was involved in a little controversy and was asked to leave, somehow I turned it around and got a personal audience with Rupaul herself, and you guys can believe I pitched myself to be on next seasons show.

* My respiratory issues became manageable.

* The movie I filmed a couple years ago, "All The Others Were Practice" , is finally going to be seen on the big screen and then it goes straight to video.

And thats when the lows began:

* somehow I convinced myself to do a 90 Day Diet and didn't lose shit.

* I emailed Margaret to see if she left my dancing part in her special and she said no.

* I finally got fucked but I let that asshole spit on his condom for lube. (I gotta stop doing that)

I really wish this year comes and goes fast, I'm so over it.

What would make this year spectacular is if I got the call Rupaul's casting to be on her show.

I need a break baby and I think that would do it.