Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Boba & Life

As I sit here and try to fish out the last of my rainbow lychee jelly from my boba tea, I think about those areas in my life that make me who I am:

Family - My mom has truly been my ride & die buddy to the end, she kept me in the game a few months ago when literally I checked out.  It was her idea to go down to DragCon and thank god we did go because that whole experience burned a new fire in my belly! I got to meet Rupaul personally, through weird circumstances of course and pitch myself to her for next seasons drag race! If I get it, great, but if not, no worries because my passion for entertaining is lit again. Thanks mom for helping re-ignite it! Also, I never blog about my brother because he deserves his privacy but lately we're becoming a lot closer, something I've never had with him, feels good.

Health - my health has finally stabilized, over the past couple of years I got hit with the swine flu, a respiratory illness which basically fucked with my breathing, jacked up my blood pressure, messed with my mental health and some other bullshit. I really can't thank all the ER doctors who helped me get better, as for all the Nurse Practitioners out there who kept misdiagnosising me, go back to school and get a real medical license.

Comedy - to be honest, I've always kept all of my comedian friends at a distance and for good reasons, I don't trust any of them, never have, mostly because they're not Native American.  I could meet a Native off the street and bond with them more in 5 seconds than I could ever with somebody from the comedy world.  Last week I let go of producing #HellaGayComedy which I ran for 5 years because enough was enough. 

Friends - This past year there has been a definite change with who I've been hanging out with.  If things go as planned later this year there will be more new people coming into my life. We'll just have wait and see how everything pans out.

Money - one day when I strike it rich, I will look back at all of these broke days & wonder how I was able to accumulate any kind of wealth with all my expensive snacking habits.

Future??  I really don't know what the future holds for me! I just hope to be healthy, happy, coupled up, and living under a roof that I paid for!

With those closing words, here's my current photo I'm using on Grindr. 

Who could pass up on this, right?

90 Day Diet - Day 18

I started off this morning with a delicious salad, I didn't think I would like it but I did, I say that because this past weekend I went to the grocery store and bought all my salad condiments, so I better like it, right. 

My only issue, I bought some new ranch dressing and this morning I couldn't find it so I ended up using an old ranch dressing which I don't know how long it's been in there, it was good. 

- salad, onions, croutons, cherry tomatoes, 
- cupcake
- chili corn chips
- big grape drink
- cheese whiz/pretzels snack
- Hokkaido pearl tea
- Coriander pumpkin curry soup 

Monday, June 29, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 17

This morning I woke up from a 14 hr sleep, today me & moms went to El Cerrito for massage, I feel good but I still feel tired, parading around and making my outfit really took a lot out of me. I was gonna cover a friend at work but decided not to because I need those extra days off before I officially return. 

After I was done with the march I spent 5 minutes at the pride celebration @ SF  city hall before I went to look for a bathroom and then head home, I just couldn't hang anymore.  

On the NL bus home, I saw an old tour bus driver I use to work with, I was so exhausted I couldn't even chop it up with him and then I caught myself dozing off on the bus a couple times.  When I got home and snuggled into my blanket, my last thought was that it was all worth it.

- slice of pizza
- meatballs
- fried macaroni bites
- small salad
- shrimp pasta
- lemon cake
- bread w/ oil & vinegar 

Lately I've been posting my food choices but because I'm still recovering from pride, here's one more from yesterday !!

San Francisco Pride 2015 photos

Sunday, June 28, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 16

I got no sleep today because I stayed up all night making this balloon bustle for SF Pride!!

Otherwise, here's what I got by on.

- frappicino
-Saigon sandwich
- 4 mini cliff bars

Saturday, June 27, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 15

Today is the Pink Party & Dyke March in SF and I'm heading over to get dressed up! Surprisingly, I'm not really that hungry this morning so I finished off the other half of the double double from last night.

- half of a double double from In & Out

Oh girl I was hungry after all that walking and parading around for the pink party!

- slice of pizza 
- Korean BBQ, fried noodles, steamed rice, 3 different types of Korean chicken.
- taro pearl milk tea 

Friday, June 26, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 14

Because of todays landmark US Supreme Court Gay Marriage decision, I sort've let go my diet, sort've. 

- medium movie popcorn
- nachos w/ extra cheese
- big fruit punch
- half of a double double from In & Out
- cheese fries 
- medium milkshake 
- big Reese's cups

On the upside, I did take a good shit afterwards!!

We Did It !!!

What a beautiful thing to wake up to this morning, the United States Supreme Court just announced that Gay Marriage is now legal in all 50 states!!

Wow.  When I came home from college (Haskell) and started doing comedy in San Francisco, then SF Mayor Gavin Newsom made National news by issuing same sex marriage licenses to Gay couples in February of 2004.

It's been quite a ride watching this journey go thru our U.S. court systems, seeing it taken away and now finally getting it back, for good.

We did it. #loveislove #finally

Thursday, June 25, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 13

Last nights show left my cramping and dehydrated which is why I got so snacky.  Today I started off on a different foot.

- one big roll of ritz crackers
- slices of turkey & chicken
- lots of juice
- kit kat candy bar 
- 2 mini beefy ques from Taco Bell
- beef taco with nacho cheese

And then later on tonight I'm going to try and squeeze into these, thank god for stretch pants. 


This blog probably won't make sense to many people but fuck it, what does anybody know, right?

I've been thinking about my relationships with people lately and now that I've become a full time professional dragqueen comedian, there are certain public demands that are asked upon me where ever I go and here they are in no particular order:

- whenever I'm requested, I have to stop and take photos with anyone and everyone 
- whenever I wear my big Afro wigs I immediately and automatically become a petting zoo. (Seriously, even as I stopped at Walgreens in the Castro last night to pick up a snack, the counter cashier asked to reach over and pet my hair) WTF??
- I always have to be in a good mood, be positive and say something witty. 
- I get preferential treatment at the clubs meaning I never have to pay for my cover or buy drinks for myself.
- everyone loves dragqueens for a good laugh
- Gays & whoever else can use me as their Gay surrogate to lift their confidence and help them pull a trick.
- always feel & look fabulous 24/7 

And I don't mind being any of these things but inexchange for these services I do ask the people that they make me rich & famous otherwise they can find some other bitch to pump.

Kisses Bitches!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 12

Since I'm home I am officially back on the diet, sort've. Last week I was craving my salads, today not so much, probably because I got use to eaiting junk food.

Here's what I started with today:

- nachos 
- Reese's cups
- wheat thins w/ spray cheese
- medium blackberry lemonade
- bbq chicken ranch salad
- large smoothie from Burger King
- jr bacon cheese chicken sandwich from BK
- mini beefy ques from Taco Bell 
- meximelt from Taco Bell 

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Mile High Club

We just home from Michigan and it feels good to be back in California!  I did like the midwest humidity but I prefer our SF Bay cold air more.

The flight home was great, there was little or none turbulence.

Now check this out, turbulence never use to bother me.  I can think of several times when I was younger when I was on a plane with bad turbulence and never thought twice about it.  These days my nervous system is so out of whack just a mere wiggle will make pee in my pants.

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the mile high club, basically you have to sex with someone on a plane to be a member.  Since I've never had the chance to fuck someone on the plane, I thought why not just rub one out on myself in the bathroom, that kind of counts right? So thats what I did.

I casually walked into the bathroom on the plane, unzipped my pants and went to town.  This was on a flight from L.A. to Oakland.  Coming into the Bay Area, theres a stretch over the South Bay hills that is notorious for heavy wind and giving incoming planes bad turbulence.

I must've really been in a zone playing with my Judy because I didn't hear the call button from the flight attendants to return to my seat so I just kept going.

After we hit our first bump of turbulence, I kept going because I liked the shaking and OMG, the with every stroke, the turbulence got more intense and I got more turned on, the next thing you know I was really close to blowing my wad and so soon as I could feel a hot batch coming out of my pussy, thats when we hit the heaviest turbulence and literally, the whole bathroom was shaking and thats when I popped.  It was so wonderful.  Oddly enough, thats when he turbulence ended and it was a smooth flight the rest of the way.

Theres apart of me that feels like I need to masturbate on an airplane again to remember how much I enjoy flying but theres also apart of me that is cool with peeing in my pants too.


90 Day Diet - Day 11

With all the snacking I did this week, I would not be surprised if I gained the 5 lbs I lost From last week, fuck.

- half of a prime rib sandwich with such jus
- 4 Reese's cups
-  bottle of water
- small pepperoni/onions/sausage pizza
- 2 scoop ice cream sundae
- homemade nachos 

And amazingly, I took a big shit this morning and I'm so happy because I haven't taken one of those since high school. So even though I ate big this weekend most of it came out this morning!

Monday, June 22, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 10

Today is our last day in Michigan, we stopped by McDonalds on our way back to Grand Rapids so for sure I wanted to today off right. 

- Mickey Dee's yogurt parfait
- cheese spread & crackers 
- some Doritos chips
- small strawberry/cheese Danish 
- half of a mini chimichanga
- small defried taco
- nachos
- chicken quesadilla appetizer 
- fries

Sunday, June 21, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 9

I started off Sunday with a big breakfast!  I know this blog may seem a little misleading with the yogurt photo but I at least wanted to eat something healthy. 

- scrambled eggs
- bacon
- sausage patties 
- chili cup
- ice cream sundae
- candy bar
- chili cheese dog
- nachos 
- small fruit punch

Saturday, June 20, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 8

I'm the road here in Michigan, it's a little tough to watch what I eat because we're moving around so much.

- large McDonald's orange highcee 
- hash browns 
- Sausage egg mc muffin 
- black cherry milkshake 
- hominy corn soup
- wild rice soup
- 2 frybreads 
- 1/4 cheeseburger plain 
- small hot dog
- cheese crossaint 
- cheese spread & crackers

Friday, June 19, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 7

I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for a family reunion so it will be a little tough this weekend watching what I eat! 

- mcdouble no pickles with Mc sauce
- buffalo mcchicken sandwich
- large sweet tea
- bowl of hunters stew 
- squaw bead
- pizza slice

Thursday, June 18, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 6

Today started off really great, I'm happy to report that I checked my weight and I lost 5 lbs from this past week.  My weight for today is 291.  Also, my BP is down to 138/99 which is really good for me.  

Even though I've eaten a lot in my first week, eating the right foods & excercing has inspired me to keep going.  This morning I was actually craving a salad. 

Since I'm traveling, I will definitely have to watch what I eat on this trip.

- big bottle of water
- scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes, and focaccia bread
- banana royal from Baskins Robbins that made take a good shit
- 1/4 lb of Natalie's Candy
- southwest airline peanuts
- 4 small slices of pizza

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 5

So far I've been a week into my 90 Dat Diet and it's going okay.  I am still grabbing quick junk food but hoping to off set it by less intake and better eating choices.

Here's what I'm starting with today, another small pre-packaged salad from Safeway!

- big fruit punch
- cranberry walnut salad
- 3 meatballs 
- Italian pita bread 
- sliced watermelon cup
 - Reese's cups
- half of a taro milk tea with pearls
- cup panang beef curry with rice
- Caesar chx salad w/ ranch

Lake Merritt 2 mile jog

Has some of these too!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 4

I am officially on my diet and I know this because I got yogurt this morning, something I never eat in the mornings on my way to work.

Believe it or not, I can actually feel myself starting to lose weight. I don't know, I just feel lighter too! I know it's only been 4 days of trying to eat right but something must be working. 

Also, I'm getting over my current sickness that kept me out of work these past two weeks. At last nights open mic my voice was still hoarse but it's a ton better than last week.

Here's what I'm starting with today.

- yogurt w/fruit
- big bottle of water
- Reese's cups
- cup of chili
- half of sourdough bread
- 8 Oreo cookies
- 2 medium fruit punch

Weird Things to Masterbate to

Vice Magazine just printed an article of the weird things people have Masterbated with, here's one of my old ones. And yes, I did use a rubber because it was the 80's.

ps this probably also explains why I love banana nut bread

Getting My Groove Back

Tonight I hit an open mic near downtown Oakland because I have a show coming up next week and I need to keep myself ready.

Tonight was a good warm up because I missed a beat riffing on the audience or should I say, dealing with a heckler. 

In the beginning of the show, the host welcomed everyone and announced himself as a descendant from Uganda and of course he had to be the one who heckled me.

So when I first took the mic, I said hello and told everyone I was from East Oakland.

And that's when the host said, "where's east Oakland" ??

What a lame heckle right?  And this is what I should have said back to him:

"You don't know where East Oaklsnd is, Uganda be kidding me ..." !!!

Haha ..  I love it because it's an even lamer comeback.

But like I said, it was a good workout because these instances help keep my comedic timing in check.

And did I mention I did this open mic in drag?? And do you knows what's crazy, there's was this straight white comic who went on before me and nobody heckled him. Regardless of why people feel invigorated to heckle me, bring it because this bitch is ready. 


Monday, June 15, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 3

Started off the day by cleaning out the fridge. 

- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- Sante Fe salad
- 8 chicken bites from Wingstop (protein)
- 8 small oatmeal cookies
- 2 small Danish rolls

Sunday, June 14, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 2

Yesterday I started my 90 Day Diet a little heavy and to counter my intake, this will be the 3rd day in a row that I've been jogging. 

The main thing about this current diet is that I won't be eating any of my favorite foods ie Ramen, Boba drinks and anything else deep fried. 

My main food concentration for the next 90 days will be salads & lots of water. Not to mention lots of protein wherever I can get it.

- smoked almond nuts
- snowballs 
- Momocha (Nepal Cuisine) steamed chicken potstickers with small vinegarett salad
- welches juice
- 3 small slices of pizza
- big welches grape juice

Lake Merritt 2 mile jog

Saturday, June 13, 2015

90 Day Diet - Day 1

I'm officially starting my 90 Day Diet today!

Why? Because my weight has blown up to 296lbs! Wow, I'm 4 lbs away from 300.

These past two weeks have been pretty rough.  I got sick with the flu and it re-agravated my respiratory illness which eventually made me lose my voice.  And it seems like everytime I get sick with the flu now, I began to have shortness of breath and start wheezing.  So to cope I've been eating like crazy.

My breathing got so bad this past week I had to go the ER for a breathing treatment.

Amazingly I haven't drank soda since the beginning of the year.

For the next 90 days I will be blogging my eating & exercise habits. Also I'll be including any blood pressure readings so I can keep track of that too!

I know what I'm supposed to do so hopefully I'll be able to stick with it.

Heres what I ate so far today:

- peanut butter & honey sandwich
- bottle of water
- half can of Pringles 
- Reese's sticks
- small salad w/ ranch
- butterfingers cups
- Arizona grape juice
- cup of noodles
- 2 slices of pizza
- small box of Oreos 
- Reese's cups

BP: 154
Lake Merritt Jog - 2 miles

Tuesday, June 9, 2015


So far I've been off Facebook for a week now and it feels great.

Sometimes I'll catch myself typing Facebook.com into the url bar but I'm sure I will stop doing that with time. 

How I can explain what my life is like without Facebook.  When I was in grade school our teacher challenged her students not to watch tv for an entire week.  That was one of the toughest things I remember trying to do.  I was able to do it for 4 days and then I caved in for one of those old school stop motion, "Rudoplh the Rednose Reindeer" , Christmas specials. 

This time around its not that tough. When I attended the Facebook, "authentic names protest" , last week Mark Zuckerberg's team put out water and snacks for the protestors.

I thought that was such a low down move.  He must think we're big pussy's.

Is that the general norm for corporations who are protested, no.

Some of the protesters did take some water but the way I looked at, you can give as much water & snacks away as you want it still doesn't detour the fact that they're policies haven't changed.

The next time Exxon spill oil into the ocean and I protest them, I'll make sure they provide water & snacks because that seems like the kosher thing to do, not.


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Facebook still sucks ....

Recently I was approached by a writer/blogger from "Liberal America" , for more opinion on the, "authentic names policy" from Facebook, heres whats I submitted:


This past week I shut down my Facebook pages this past week because of their, "authentic names policy" , they gave me 7 days to submit a passport, drivers license, state i.d. and whatever else to verify my real name and I would not do it.  I already have a facebook page with my real name but I guess that wasn't good enough.

* I would never submit any of those things to a social media website because for one, they're not a government agency.  Also, when a business asks for documents to support your identity, usually its because they're going to hire you for a job, obviously Facebook isn't my employer.

* I used a 2nd facebook page, "Hella Gay" , for professional comedy bookings, to promote shows and anything else comedy business related. I've even bought facebook ads so you can imagine how surprised I was when I bought ad space to promote my comedy shows and then they turn around and ask me to submit my real identity, don't these jerks read their credit card statements?  I believe I was targeted because I'm a dragqueen.
* Why doesn't facebook ask their other billion users to verify they're identities, why are dragqueens, Native Americans, sex workers, trans women, burlesque dancers, domestic/sexual abuse survivors and other fringe groups being targeted?  Would facebook have bothered me if I had an every day name like Sue Worthington, probably not. (no offense to the Sue Worthington's out there)  As far our Native American Community getting locked of their accounts for using their traditional names, our names have been passed down from time immemorial where as facebook has only been around 10 years.  If you go to Change.org you can read the comments and you can see what Natives are saying about getting kicked off Facebook:


* Does anyone ever think about the other LGBT Facebook users in different countries where LGBT rights are non-existent? 

* Last Fall, the Facebook administration was supposed to work with our LGBT community and work out their authentic names policy, obviously they were just blowing smoke up our ass because nothing came of it, which is why we were protested this past week at facebook HQ.  I personally think they only compromised in the media to save face to their share holders, because at the time thousands of people were dumping their facebook accounts and moving to Ello.co  Because Mark Zuckerberg turned out to be a total liar, our community decided to rally again and not have them be a sponsor at our SF Pride this year. You can see those minutes here:


* Didn't Bruce Jenner just officially come out as Caitlyn Jenner? Is her new identity going to be allowed to have a page with facebook?

* The Bigger Picture. This isn't just about Facebook, its about how any social media website directly deals with us on how we choose to self-identity.

This past week I did my swan song and left Facebook.  It was a hard thing to do because that's where I kept in contact with so many of the wonderful people I've met over the years.  Oh well, now they'll have to find me ello.co