Thursday, February 12, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey - Movie Review

People are not toys. 

This evening I won a free pass to see, "Fifty Shades of Grey" , at the Centre Theater in downtown San Francisco, California.

#FiftyShades will be hitting movie theaters everywhere on Saturday, February 14th., Valentines Day.

I've never read any of the books so this movie review is based solely on what I saw, so here we go.

First, Actress Dakota Johnson did a superb job of playing Anastasia Steele, the films protagonist.   There were many moments in this film when I thought she was channeling her mother - Melanie, whether is was thru her shyness, awkwardness or her dead on face.  I'm very sure when Melanie saw this movie, she was very proud of her daughters artistic work, her daddy Don on the other hand, I'm sure this one was a hard pill to swallow.

Getting back to the movie, whose on top, whose on the bottom?  This is what made the characters so dynamic between Anastasia & Christian. Christian introduces himself as the Dominant and he's looking for the perfect submissive, only he needs it in writing. (what a douche)  Sorry, this is my opinion of any man who needs consensual sex in writing, that should've been a red flag for Ana.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" , had many story lines, the main one being Anastasia, who is a virgin, trying to make a boyfriend out've her first time lover - Christian, which is why she admitted that was she falling for him, but then again, Ana's a virgin, that what virgins do, they fall for their first timers. Ana could've gave it up to a butcher and the storyline still would've been the same.

Anastasia's character does come across as having a brain, she knows shes not completely his slave until she signs his contract, so theres this bit of a power exchange between them, a cat & mouse game of whose the dominant and whose the submissive.

I really thought Anastasia played it magnificently when she gave Christian blue balls while negotiating the terms of their contact during their business meeting, she knew he wanted to fuck her in his board room so she played possum and it was fun to watch him get blue balls when she didn't want to give it up.  He got her back, Christian got her use to instant gratification sex and when he took it away when she wanted it, that was his way of saying that he was in charge.

There were definitely some creepy moments in the movie that made me raise an eyebrow, like when Christian showed up at her work and in Georgia.  Hello, can anyone say S-T-A-L-K-E-R ???  And when Christian flipped out because Ana didn't tell him that was she going to Georgia to visit her mom, I was like muthaf*cka please, she didn't sign your contact yet, you don't get that from her. Clingy is not attractive.

The contract presented to Ana was pretty interesting, I thought it was missing personal compensation.  Sorry, a new car, her own room in his penthouse and sleeping in a bed where other people toys have slept wouldn't have cut it for me.  And I'm sure Christians contract could've at least kicked in for any future hospital bills i.e. for sexual incidentals caused by all the shit he wanted to do to her. Dirty toys cause UTI's, getting UTI's fixed cost money.

I had a personal moment in the movie, it was when Ana took his worst punishment - 6 lashes on the ass.  I couldn't help but be reminded of my own de-virginization, the crying, the tears, the humiliation.  Maybe it was Ana's rite of passage into adulthood, either way, its why me & Ana weren't 27 year old virgins.

The last thing I want to talk about is selfishness, which was another underlying theme in this movie.  Christians selfishness really showed when Ana took his 6 lashes because thats what he wanted and thats what got him off.  From my experience, people with weird kinks or fetishes only care about their needs. Ana took his lashes because she was trying to build his trust and then maybe, hopefully, Christian would let her in to his heart.  Doubt it.

There was a scene when Christian was professing his personal truths to Ana but it was when she was sleeping.  Ah, hello, P-S-Y-C-H-O.  Who does that anyway?

Like I said, I've never read any of the books so I'm hoping in the sequels she rails that muthaf*cka hard in the ass with a dildo because generally thats been my experience with so called Dominants.

The ending was pretty good, I was the only person in the theater cheering for Ana when told that muthaf*cka to step off after recovering from his lashes.  Thats usually what happens when you give people what they want, they want more.  And she curtailed that shit in a heart beat, go Ana!



  1. I'm a little let down ! I'm going to the movie Saurdy w/nephew n neice ! I wonder it does sound interesting though thanks for the critique Charlie ! dang she had to sign a contract ! My !

  2. I was more than ready to hate on the film, but it actually came out to be a pretty decent effort.