Thursday, October 31, 2013

Throwback Thursday

In 1994 I rocked my Flamingo Pink hair color in Oakland and muthaf*cka's hated on me. That was 20 years ago and todays generation wear these colors loud and proud without giving it a second thought. 

So today I brought it back in a more updated version. #throwbackthursday


Michael Fassbender's Penis

So I guess Actor Michael Fassbender of XMEN, SHAME, PROMETHEUS has been in a tiff lately because his celebrity friends keep referring to his junk in their quotes and interviews.

Well guess what muthf*cka, if you don't want people talking about your shit than maybe you shouldn't be showing it in your movies, hello.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Ray Sandoval - Craigslist Hottie

Is anyone keeping up with the scandal going on in Santa Fe, New Mexico., where a Mayorial candidate's openly gay campaign manager, Ray Sandoval, supposedly got caught soliciting gay sex on Craigslist.  The gay man in question is Ray Sandoval and heres his naughty sex ad thats been circulating Craigslist:

Now supposedly he didn't post this ad but lets look at what we know.  

Ray did say he posted this photo of himself above on facebook to show his friends hes been working out but what makes this photo suspect is why isn't Ray looking at the camera?  I'll tell you why, most men who post photos on Craigslist try and keep that little bit of anonymity by not showing their face, so this type of picture is very commonly used for Craigslist sex ads.

I did do my research for this blog to see what Ray looks like and hes not bad looking at all.

The other thing that bothered me in that ad was how gay specific it was, "no fat or ugly old guys" . That sounds like someone whose been on Craigslist before and knows whose out there.

I'm going to have to take Ray's side and say he didn't post that ad because his profile on Linkedin suggests hes a community type gay, meaning his type doesn't get hung up on looks or age, so what I'm saying is Ray would most likely date a chubby or older gay and if so, he should call me. 

Good luck with the Mayor's race.


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Charmed Reboot

Whose missing from this picture?

Thats right, Shannon Doherty, Americ'a favorite bad girl from the 90's.  Now theres talk of a, "Charmed" , reboot for CBS and why not?  To be honest, if they brought back Prue I would totally watch it.  I don't know how they'd bring her back especially since they killed off her character from the show but then again its television so anything is possible.

Personally, the only reason why I watched, "Charmed" , was because of Shannen.  Her character, Prue, had so much bite just like her role on 90210.  If anyone ever watched Charmed they would know the first couple of seasons were pretty rough, it definitely got better over the years but it was sad to see it do so without Shannen.  I say do the reboot with Shannen anyways and find her two new sisters.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Gay Native American Pudding

I found this recipe in a childrens Thanksgiving themed cook book and because I'm very politically correct, I wrote to the publisher immediately and asked them to change it to, "Gay Native American Pudding" .

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Breaking Bad

This blog has nothing to do with the tv show which I hear is pretty good, I don't know because I've never watched Breaking Bad, why, because it sounds too white and too trailor for me.  That shouldn't suggest its not a good show because I'm sure the storytelling and acting are excellent.


I'll be turning 40 this upcoming year and I'm coming to another turning point in my life, here are some quick reflections that have been going thru my head.

Many of my old classmates went on to have kids where as I have none, I guess my career in entertainment is going to have to fulfill that void, I'm so beginning to understand why Oprah never had any kids.

Has all my entertainment work been in vane?  I don't think so, its nice to hear that my rule breaking has been effecting people in a positive way.  I keep hearing that I'm a trail blazer and in many respects thats been true.  I guess I'm considered a trail blazer because there haven't been many other notable Gay Native American entertainers which leaves me in a field of my own.  I actually know quite a few Native Drag Entertainers, so its only a matter of time before one of them hits on Rupaul's Drag Race and we all know who they are, and even if they don't hit, that doesn't make them any less visible.

The other day I youtubed my name and these words popped up in the search engine, "Being Gay & Native American" .  Wow.  Thats so amazing, I guess my name is etched in youtube video history.  I kind of feel bad for all the other Charlie Ballard's out there because I cornered the market on my name.  Can you guys just imagine what happens when some hee haw muthafucker from Kentucky named Charlie Ballard trys to Google his name and finds my flaming red knee high boots in his feed, classic.

As far as being a Gay Native American, I wasn't the first and I certainly won't be the last.  I have to give mad props to We-wha, who was one of the first noted Two Spirits to make history, why, probably because she was an out Trans Woman from Zuni, New Mexico. (1849-1896)  I guess the Westerners have never seen cross dressers outside of their own culture and maybe got a kick out of seeing her?

Heres We-wha looking fierce back in her day:

These days Gay Native Americans are sneaking into media outlets and ending up super famous, for instance, who doesn't know, "Excuse My Beauty" .  The viral video of Stephanie Yellowhair *Navajo* and how she got busted on the, "Cops" , reality show made her an instant celebrity.  I'm so lucky to say I'm her facebook friend and her updates are just as fabulous as she is in her infamous video!

Its good to know we're becoming more visible these days.  We're definitely out there and more of us are starting to speak up, it feels great to hear so many new voices, like this lady.

I like to think I've made my contribution to Native culture.  I would just like to say to the younger Two Spirits coming up, know that your voices are just as important as anyone else, dream big and go for it!


Saturday, October 26, 2013

All The Others Were Practice - Post Production

This is a very exciting time for me, my very first movie is coming out in January of 2014, "All The Others Were Practice" , and I can't wait to see how it turns out!

I'm hoping my acting will have translated very well on screen but we won't know until the movie comes out.

I will tell you this, the supporting actors gave superb performances!  Its no coincidence there were all great because most of them are professional actors.

I just saw another gay romantic comedy last week and I'm pretty sure our movie is going to blow theirs out of the water.  Why, for one, our cast was exceptional, two, we had a great director/writer in Brian Tolle. *below*

Brian has a great eye for direction, he was able to catch those subtle nuances that make movies great, hes also very technical which means the cinematography from the movie will look very professional, third, the storyline and characters from the film is fun and unexpected, you're going to see a great non-traditional mix of characters and storyline that everyone will be able to relate too and lastly, did I mention I was in it?

All narcissism aside, we all can't wait to see it!  Here are some quick stills from the movie!

This is Actress Chantelle Tibbs, I would have not made it thru this movie unless Chantelle didn't kicked me in the ass on the first day.  I was flubbing my lines hard and she pulled me aside and said, "you need to go home and study, we have some heavy lines tomorrow" .  Seriously, thank you Chantelle, I needed to hear that! And yes, we had some very cute scenes together too, here are a couple below!

We had a lot of scene stealers in this movie and heres another one of them, this is Actress Leigh Wolf.  Leigh was so much fun to work with.  If she comes across sincere & authentic in the movie its because she really is! My favorite part in the movie for Leigh will be when her character and Gus walk off together on a hiking trail and we're going to hear her singing in the background, its going to be such a pretty moment!

Speaking of scene stealing, here are Actresses Molly Goode (L) & Susan Monson (R)!  They got to play the devilish caferteria ladies whose sole purpose in life is to make Tina's life hell, they were so much fun as you guys can tell from their movie stills!

Alright you guys, don't forget to watch us, we're going to be everywhere in 2014 !!!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Twists & Turns

Its so funny how life turns out.

I remember in college the NBC Diversity Program came to my school looking for minority talent. I told myself to stay away from the audition because I knew if I had went I would have got sucked into show business and because I was more focused on getting that college degree, I didn't want to be distracted.

I ended up going to the audition anyways and showed up late on purpose. I peeked inside the auditorium as they were finishing up just to see the process and who was all there. And thats when a girl from our schools theater department came over and asked what I was doing there. And I said, "I might be getting into show business someday" , and she said, "who ... you" ? And then I turned right back at her and said, "yes ... why not me" ?

That was 10 years ago and she ended up finding her husband at Haskell and having his kids and guess who ended up in film & television. #werk


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Why People Think I'm a Bitch

Here are some reasons why people think I'm a bitch, enjoy.

1. Because I'm confident in my abilities.

2. Because I can deflect the will and thoughts of assholes.

3. As the saying goes, "if you can't take it, then you shouldn't be dishing it" .  And muthaf*ckers be hating on me especially when I can dish it right back.

4. Because I'm a boss and somebody has to make the decisions.

5. Because I get the job done.

6. Because I have independent thought and no problem voicing my concerns.

7. Because muthaf*cka's hate being called out especially when they're in the wrong.

8. Because other people are insecure and try to project their negativity onto me, sorry, not having it.

9. Because I refuse to be taken advantage of.

10. Because I know what I want in life and I'm not afraid to go after it.

* If any of this makes me a bitch, well then I guess I'm a bitch.

Gay Realization

I just had a realization of how gay I am, I woke up next to my rainbow tutu.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Naked Shia LaBeouf

Heres Actor Shia LaBeouf showing off some skin for his upcoming flick, "Charlie Countryman" .  Shia has always been cute and this photo shows just how fine he is even only if we can just see his pube's.


Saturday, October 19, 2013

Peace & Quiet

Do you guys know what I just realized, I haven't had any comedy drama lately.  I mean, its not like I've been looking for it.

I'm guessing its been quiet lately because I haven't been producing shows or performing at the open mics.  For the past 3 months I've been immersed as a Tour Guide and now that I'm switching jobs, I have time again..

A while back, I had a chit chat with Drag Queen Comedian - Cassandra Gorgeous at a gay bar in SF and she was like, "I heard you're a bitch" .

OMG, that put such a huge smile on my face because I was like, "and ..." ?  I don't mind having a bitch reputation because I worked very hard to attain that status.

Early in the comedy game I realized if I didn't put my foot down and let these muthaf*ckers know I wasn't playing than none of these fuckers would ever take me seriously.

A long time ago, I was telling one of my oldest and closest friends, Jaya, about my comedy experiences and having to work with these scrupulous characters and she said, "well, you didn't put up with it at Haskell" .

That was exactly what I needed to hear so thats how I knew I was on the right path.

So it doesn't bother me if anyones tries to smear my name because my track record speaks for itself.  I'm just glad I was able to sniff out whose been on the up & up with me and who hasn't.

So to any of my naysayers, if you can think you do better, then go prove it, I know I did.


Friday, October 18, 2013

Charlie Ballard & being an extra.

I often think about my place in show business and if I'm meant to be a big star or just be another face in the crowd.

This past year I got to be the star in my first feature film so before my movie comes out later this Spring, I signed up to be an extra with the new gay HBO series called, "Looking", which is currently being filmed in San Francisco.

While on set with the other extras, I never met so many unmotivated people who were there just for the paycheck, nobody was trying to jock each other for a spot near the actors so they could be on camera which in fact, made it pretty easy for me and my extra buddies to get on camera in the background.

Here is Bianka and Jason, who ended up being my extra buddies for the day!

For those of you not familiar with Dolores Park in San Francisco, you can tell from this picture below that we're pretty far back and way on the top of the hill near the MUNI rail.  We were pretty far from the main actors. The main shooting in this picture is to the left way, way up in the front.

That all changed when a production assistant come over and called some other extras to do a walking loop and then I was like, "hey, what about us" ?  A walking loop is when they ask you to walk in the background repeatedly so it makes the scene look busy.

After doing the walking loop, we ended up right next to the picnic blankets where the principal actors were situated and then I slowly turned to my extra buddies and said, "okay, now very carefully help me roll out my blanket and we'll park it next to them"  .  I was waiting for someone to come over and ask us to leave but no one did.

And heres us sneaking up next to the cast!

It felt nice being in the mix of things, it made me feel like I was actually contributing in some way.  While they filmed right next to us, I completely understood what it must've felt like to be the main leads because I was there myself 6 months earlier.

 I really want to say I went in thinking my faux hawk perm was going to help make me stand apart from the other extras but I'm sure my yellow ass shirt did the trick.

For this production, I noticed a common denominator among all the, "Looking" , gay actors, they were all skinny and really pretty.  I would never befriend anyone just because they're pretty but if this show needed the fat gay best friend character I would totally do it, I mean fuck it, its make believe right?

This was my first experience on a major live set and the behavior of the lead actors was pretty expected, they stuck to each other like glue.  They only socialized and ate with each other during the meal breaks.

Even the kraft services lady who was passing out cookies to the production crew didn't want to give me a cookie and said, "only because you're sitting next to the inner circle, I'll give you one" .  And do you guys know what I thought when she said that, "fuck you bitch, fuck you and your almond nut cookies" .

But I still took one because I love cookies.  And you guys can believe I kept calling that bitch back over whenever she passed by with snacks.

I'm so glad I waited to be an extra. I could have been doing extra work from day one but for what, so I could listen to some kraft services bitch make snide comments about who she gave her cookies to?  I think not.

With this whole experience of being a movie extra, I'm going to pass.  For me, I'm either going to be the star or nothing.


"All The Others Were Practice" is almost here!

Whoo Hoo! My movie is almost here, heres a movie still from, "All The Others Were Practice" ! The movie trailor & poster are soon to follow!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Tour Guide

For those of you following my updates, you know that I'm putting in my two weeks notice and will no longer be a Tour Guide.

The main reason why I'm quitting is because this job is too close to what I do professionally, which is entertaining people.  This wouldn't be such a bad job if I got paid more money but thats not the case.  The tour bus company I work for actually lowered their wage for their Tour Guides as I joined so that already told me they don't value what their Tour Guides do.

Another reason why I decided to quit, I had this old lady on the bus tell me that being a Tour Guide must be my calling because she really enjoyed my tour.  That super pissed me off because being a Tour Guide is not my calling, being a stand up comedian is my calling.  If GOD called me tomorrow and told me stand up comedy wasn't my calling and to get back on that bus, than yes, I absolutely would.  I also didn't spend the last 10 years of my life studying comedy to make 12hr. plus tips. 

And then of course one of my family members had to chime in and tell me that being a Tour Guide was good for my comedy career because I got to interact with people and come up with material.  I hate to bust my Aunt's bubble but I come up with material at anytime, with anyone and anywhere.

Even though this job sucked up all my time away from the comedy open mics, my improv skills with my bus passengers more than made up for all the missed stage time.

Its no coincidence that I picked up very quick as a Tour Guide and became very popular with our passengers in such a short amount of time.  It showed in the tips, hugs, & photos that the people wanted to take with me.  I never asked anyone for a hug because thats just creepy but when the first lady asked, I was like sure.

In just my 2nd week there the people were saying to me I was there best Tour Guide that they all day so hearing those nice comments made my heart soar.  And then the bus drivers kept giving my mad props because I was making money for them too, which of course they liked.

So this blog is going to be about some of my favorite moments working as a Tour Guide in San Francisco this past Summer.

- I got fuckin dark.  Being out in the sun all day burned my skin and I haven't been this dark since I was River Guide with the Hualapai River Runners ten years ago.

- My co-workers were a lot of fun, many of them are artists as well!

- One of the pro's about working as a Tour Guide is that I get to spend time with people from all over the world.  My favorite riders were from Australia because they were the friendliest and their men were usually pretty hot too.  I mean hello, isn't Actor Chris Hemsworth from there?

- Heres a snapshot of the Golden Gate Bridge at dusk, I have never crossed that bridge so many times in my life until I started working as a Tour Guide but I have to admit, I never got tired of crossing it because the views was always spectacular.

- Now, even though I got some pretty great reviews, I did get one bad write up from this girl on who was looking for a dance club that played electronic music:

"I have used this company for my London trip as well as one of my many travels to NYC. So once again I chose Big Bus Tours.  For the most part it was very informative and organized. However, there was one tour guide that should not be working there. I think his night job was a performer as a drag queen. He seemed like he was there to entertain. Instead of giving us information he was rapping and taking pictures like he was a tourist. I don't care if you ask us if it's ok if you take pictures for your friend that wasn't even on the bus, pay attention and do your job! Then we ask him can you show us where "Ruby Skye" is? He said sure. Then he says "oops! We passed it. Besides that club is sooo played out" excuse me Mr. Tour guide I'm not wanting to go to one of your gay nightclubs in this area. Besides that incident our other 2 tour guides were great. I think it's ok to do a joke here and there to make it more entertaining like the other guides did. That other guy needs to go. Overall I will use this company again when I travel to another city" . 

And yes I did say Ruby Skye was played out because it is.  And then can you believe she gave us 4 stars on this review, I guess.

- I did get to flirt with a lot of guys in front of their girlfriends on my buses.  The girlfriends didn't care, many of them were in it for the chuckle too!  I had this one couple from Germany and the boyfriend kept talking smack to me.  by the end of the trip, some how I got him to pull his pants down and let me sign his ass.  I know, I'm amazing.  As you guys can see, my pen didn't work right away.

- On some mornings I had to wake up pretty early because we had cruise ships coming in so I had to be over at the Pier before the sun came up, lucky for me I had my camera with me for those mornings. This photo is of the sun rising from the east bay with the Bay Bridge in the foreground. #gorgeous

- Have you guys ever heard that men like bitchy women because being a bitch turns them on?  Coming from the Queen B, thats me, you guys can rest assure that statement is true.  I had this anesthesiologist on my bus trying to crack on me and I was like, "oh, so you're an anesthesiologist and you put people to sleep with gas, cool, well guess what honey doll, if you wanted to put anyone to sleep all you have to do is take them to dinner and try to have a conversation with them" !  #ohsnap  And you know what, I get to see this doctor on his way back to downtown and he couldn't take his eyes off me.  And you know what I did, I just kept batting my eyes lashes back at him like, "whatever" .

- One of my favorite Tour Guide lines on the bus was, "now if you look at this parking lot to the left, this is where I lost my virginity" .

- Definitely the most heart warming moment happened was when this Navajo family from the Disney Cruise ship rode with me.  After they got off my bus I said to their daughter, "ya-ta-hey" , and the mother said she was blind and deaf.  So I grabbed her hand and said, "ish-ba-na-na" , and then she let out a big smile, that literally brought me to tears.



Monday, October 14, 2013

Freddie Prinze Jr. - Silver Fox

OMG, have you guys seen Actor Freddie Prinze Jr. lately?  Hes two years younger than me and taking very good care of himself, go Freddie!


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Charlie Ballard Lately

I had a pretty incredible week, heres a quick little slide show of the stuff I've been up to:

This past week I got to be in an extra in HBO's new gay cable series called, "Looking" .  They were looking for park extra's so thats what I'm doing in this picture below.  I had a lot of fun, luckily I got to meet some really cool people.  Do you know when sometimes in life when you're supposed to meet people, I think I was supposed to meet Bianka & Jason *pictured*.  None of us knew each other and by the end of the day I really enjoyed their company.

I had a full day, earlier this afternoon I went on a walking tour to Sutro Heights Park with the SF City Guides.  I really enjoy spending my time with their guides because I'm finding out new things about SF and visiting places I've never been to before.  Heres a really great picture I took from the Sutro Heights Park, which is right on the Ocean Beach, I can't believe I've never been there before.

This evening I spent my time with the my comedy idol - Margaret Cho, at the Nob Hill Masonic Theater in San Francisco, California.  She came to town with her new comedy tour called, "Mother"  .  This is the 2nd time I've seen her, "Mother" , show and it was 3x better from the last time I saw her in Las Vegas, Nevada., with Juicely.  I can also say I was there to attend her workshop shows earlier in the year.  Watching Margaret work shop definitely makes me a better performer.

Tomorrow I'm going to be putting in two weeks notice for my Tour Guide job.  This past week a passenger said to me, "I think this is your calling because I'm really enjoying you as a Tour Guide" .  That really pissed me off because being a Tour Guide is not my calling.  My calling is to be a stand up comedian. I make being a Tour Guide fun & entertaining because comedy has been my profession for the past 10 years.  Its been fun and I got to meet some really great people from all over the world but its time to move on.


Sunday, October 6, 2013

Jonathan Groff - HBO's "Looking" .

This is Gay Actor - Jonathan Groff, I'll be working with him next Friday for HBO's, "Looking" , which is currently being filmed in San Francisco. He looks really slutty in this photo, yum.

For those of you not in the loop, "Looking" , is the new, "Queer as Folk" , which features a storyline centered around LGBT's.


Pace Leon Naked

Spanish Actor/Comedian- Pace Leon, made a promise to his twitter followers that he would post a picture of himself naked if he hit a 1,000,000 followers on twitter.


I hate it when guys cheat, man up muthaf*cka and show your shit.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Margaret Cho Avatar

Comedian Margaret Cho truly has some of the most amazing fans on this planet!

Check out this avatar collage created by one of Margaret's fans!

Werk Bitch Werk !!!

I was in L.A. this past week and this photographer caught me in repose at Mickey's.

Okay not really, it was more like, "oh excuse, but can you please take a picture of my boots" ?!