Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Cutest Celeb Photo for 2011



Hands down it goes to Willow Smith and Lady Gaga!

Willow Smith scored a front row seat at 2011's Grammy Awards courtesy of her new BFF Lady Gaga. Turns out the pint-size singer may have influenced the pop queen's Grammy night performance. During an appearance on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno" that week, Gaga revealed, "I actually know Will and I love Willow, and I actually told her that she inspired me to whip my hair back and forth on stage." (02/13/2011) - OMG YAHOO

These ladies really are the future of pop music, for the next couple of decades at least.

Happy New Year Everyone!

xoxo

Joe Rogan

After hours of online searching, I finally found the Joe Rogan photo which inspired this blog in the first place and here it is.



There was just something about this MMA inspired photo that makes him look attractive.

Many of you may know Comedian/Actor/Host Joe Rogan from NBC's, "Fear Factor" , or his role on NBC's, "News Radio" .

As much as I think Joe Rogan is cute, I'm not really a fan of his comedy. I've been to his show before and hes just not my cup of tea but that shouldn't suggest that I don't think he's hot because he is.

For me, certain comedians are able to capture my imagination and he isn't one of them. I'm sure he's funny to tons of people, which are mostly young straight men in the 18 - 25 demo, I'm just not one of them. I think they like him because he's a mans man, if that makes sense. He talks about everyday guy shit they can relate to like hunting, opening cans, or fixing cars, I'm assuming.

Me however, I just want to take a ride his sausage wheel.

In his bio's he ascertains himself as complex man which basically means he got, "issues" . Thats never bothered me before a man, I always thought men with issues make great lovers because when they're boning you, you can feel their passion, seriously, it makes the whole experience feel real.

I guess because of Joe Rogan I must like short men, after all he is a muscly 5'8, wow, can I keep the wrapping box he came in?

What intrigues more about Joe Rogan is that he knows how to do the splitz.



Do you guys know how hard it is to the splitz, its not eazy. I've actually been thinking about doing a man show next show with a splitz theme.

While searching the web for Joe Rogan pics, the best one I came across was this one where hes laughing with a tv audience. I like this one because it shows he vulnerable and has feelings coated inside that rough exterior.



xoxo

Celebrity - "Excuse My Beauty"

I really don't think of myself as a celebrity but more of an entertainment blogger/versatile power bottom/chanteuse of stand up comedy/penis connoisseur/chimichanga adventurer and so on.

Most people know my prowess as the Gay Native American stand up comedian but the # 1 Gay Native American public figure is Steven A.K.A as , "Excuse My Beauty" , who is a bonified web super star since being busted by the police on the reality show, "Cops" .



Her, "Excuse My Beauty" , video on youtube has accumulated hundreds of thousands of hits, which has been taken down, reposted , taken down and reposted again only to garner thousands of more video hits.

Who would have ever thought this Navajo tranny, who was waiting for her cousin Tate to pick up her would become an international web sensation?

I really love how the officer introduces the scenerio, "a group of guys that are cross-dressers that kind of sell themselves for money to buy liquor and alcohol" , uhhhhh duh Mr. Officer, those malt liquor beverages aren't going to pay for themselves.

And when you watch the video, the officer said there were a group of cross-dressers when only the visible tranny seen is Steven.

OMG and are you serious, the Albuquerque Police Dept couldn't find anything else better to do than bust Steven's chops over some stolen ballons? Whatev's. I used to live in Albuquerque and the APD could have better spent their time tracking down real criminals rather then harassing tranny hookers who were obviously only having afternoon cocktails at Circle K.

I suppose what makes this video great is how Steven's fierce spirit shines through! As soon as the officer asks where Steven's I.D. is, she fires back and says, "I'm from Arizona" , and you can just hear the defiance, fearlessness, and discontent for the law in her voice as if this whole experience is just beneath her. And whats really good, even though Steven knows and all the viewers know shes going to jail, that doesn't stop from her from going to toe to toe with the cop.

The best exchange between the officer and Steven is when:

Officer: "what have you been arrested for"

Steven: "who me" ?

Officer: "yeah, you're who I'm talking to right"

Steven: "attitude ... "

Officer: "attitude, why do you get disorderly" ?

Steven: "ehw no I never got arrested or convicted"

Officer: "so how do you get arrested for attitude"

Steven: "because I'm always buzzed"

You go girl, I suppose thats why so many Americans and people worldwide can relate to his video, I mean c'mon, whose never had a brush with the law when a little alcohol was involved?

The most eye popping visual in this video is when they showed Steven's tranny camel toe for days, for days girl.

The other thing that caught my eye is how the officer specifically interrogated Steven, its no coincidence the camera's went after her.  There whole interaction was meant to be dramatic, far fetched, interesting, entertaining, funny, strange, and most of all, sensational.

Say what you will but we all know Steven a.k.a Stephanie is the one who came out on top, she didn't go out like a punk, she let them have it and there the ones who got served, werk bitch!

Steven has become such a pop cult sensation that an artist rendered a painting of her, which has been affectionately titled: Excuse My Beauty.  Painting by Bunky Echo Hawk *Pawnee*



You better werk!

xoxo

Friday, December 30, 2011

New Years Resolutions for 2012

I'm not really sure what I want my New Years Resolutions to be for 2012 because when I look back on this past year - 2011, everything turned out pretty cool.

But here they are in particular order is what I'll be working on for 2012:

#1 - For 2011, I really didn't make that much money from stand up comedy. My goal in 2012 is to get more booked in stand up comedy and make some serious cash.

For one thing, the money I was making off my stand up gigs in the previous years paid off my credit cards. This past year I accumulated some serious debt on my credit cards and it was a bitch trying to pay off with the money I was making from my restaurant tips. I could not have done it without my annual casino per cap and with help from my brother, so thanks bro.

And not to mention my dental bill from the Indian clinic kicked my ass too. The front desk people at the Urban Indian Health said I could postpone my balance but I wanted to knock it out because if I didn't, that bill would have stuck with me for a long time.

#2 - For now, my big thing in 2012 will be not to spend money I don't have. I still have my Fed Return and Indian Trust Fund Settlement checks coming so that will help me move around if I need to travel.

I have some leads for other gigs but until those fall through, I can't count on them.

#3 - Its no big surprise that I have been wanting to move out my moms house and start my new life in Los Angeles, California. To make that happen, first I need a car because I am not going no where near L.A. without my personal wheels. The public transportation is not like it is here in the Bay Area where you really don't need a car.

So for next year, I'll be concentrating on saving my pennies for my big move and a car. I could leave right now but I don't want to leave the Bay Area in debt. The Bay Area has been my real home and has always treated me so well even when back in the 90's a psychic told me there's nothing here for me anymore and that I should move on. She was so wrong and I was very happy to have started my stand up comedy career in San Francisco, California.

#4 - Health wise, starting tomorrow I'm going to make an effort to eat better and maintain a decent weight size for my body.

For the past two months I've been jogging regularly and I feel all of that might be going down the drain if I'm headed out to McDonald's after each run.

#5 - I really do want to invest into a better wardrobe because my weight problem has stopped me from buying better clothes.

I really do hate wearing sweats but they're so comfortable. I'm sure everyone who sees me in SF is tired of seeing me wear them all the time. Either that or I have to buy some new pairs and get rid of these ones.

#6 - I will say this, I'm not one of those comedians who get shit handed to them on a silver platter, I've had to work hard for everything I have. I would be nice if I got picked up by a big time talent agency and didn't have to carry stress load for getting booked or always having to find work for myself.

#7 - I really do have to stop wasting my time talking to straight dudes who never give me any dick. Don't get me wrong, I love all my straight guys friends but damn, lets go guys, start coughing it up.

#8 - I have to get more involved with the local casting groups in San Franciso. That's one big thing I know I can count on for picking up some extra change. Hell yeah I can stand on a movie set as an extra and get paid for not doing shit.

#9 - I really hope Adele tours next year and hits the Bay Area. I would so love love love to see her in concert. Somewhere late this past year I became a huge fan and now, shes all I listen too.

#10 - Lets see, I already asked for more big dick encounters in 2012 right? Okay, just making sure I got my bases covered. haha just playing no but seriously, my big thing for 2012 will be to stay the fuck off the internet.

Alright guys in 2012, I just know 2012 is going to be a fabulous year, end of the world or not.

xoxo

San Francisco Conservatory Music BART Recital

You don't have to walk far in San Francisco to discover talent.

These students are from the San Francisoc Conservatory School of Music and here they are giving BART commuters a wonderful recital at the Montgomery St. BART station in downtown San Francisco, California!

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Vanguardist Interview Translation

Heres the English text translation from the Vanguardist website:

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost Fetish
Charlie Ballard on life as a gay Indian comedian.

TEXT by: Michaela Mayer, David Winterberg

"Many men go out with me because I am an Indian. Does that make me now to such a kind of fetish?" Charlie Ballard, 37, is a gay Indians and
treated as a stand-up comedian open the issue of "Native Americans"
and homosexuality.

"The situation of the so-called Native Americans or American Indians'
in the United States is very difficult to summarize because there are
so many different peoples, and each has its own problems," says
Ballard. The majority of Indians still live in or near directly into
the 250 reserves of the United States. Many "American Indians", but
already live in large cities, as well as Charlie Ballard, who himself
grew up in California.

Indian means to be poor
In all cases, the socio-economic situation of the Indians is sobering.
Thus, the average annual income of Indian households, nearly 50
percent below the U.S. average. Indians are still among the population
group with the worst health, and are especially alcohol abuse,
unilateral or malnutrition and poor health care to the most important
causes. Due to the non-recognition of their indigenous rights, and
their limited self-determination, they are often dependent on welfare
benefits, giving them the majority in society often brings a
reputation as "social parasites".

Charlie Ballard also addresses this issue and believes that most
people knew nothing about the relationship between indigenous and the
U.S. government. Ignorance and prejudices about Indians are
characterized by defective or the history books, what people saw in
the film and television over them.

The lack of understanding of the society towards the indigenous
cultures show in recent decades also common among the so-called sacred
sites: traditional, sacred sites, the construction projects will often
not taken into consideration.

"Precisely that is relevant again in Vallejo, California, where a
giant amusement park to be built on a sacred indigenous burial
grounds. The people are not interested in our country or our
traditional ways of life. If the people so desperately want this
amusement park, then they should build these but kindly on their own
cemetery and dig their own graves, in order to build a playground! "

Early Outing
An indigenous descent to have meant to him, especially not to think
only of themselves, but in daily life also always the welfare of the
entire Indian community in view. So to his role models are especially
those strong female Native American activists who are worried about
all the families and future generations. "I'm lucky to know some of
these indigenous leaders, and try to follow their example. We still
have some old traditional members, sharing our cultures and values
of a caring, peaceful coexistence to younger generations, otherwise we
would be lost. "

His homosexuality, Charlie Ballard has known very early on. "I've
always known that I feel more attracted to the same sex. My parents
have noticed very early by my feminine behavior. I'm just for the
acceptance of my parents and very grateful that I got a chance to live
my life the way I want. Of course there were also family members who
were not exactly enthusiastic, but with time and understanding, which
has provided. "

"My place as a gay tribe, but I only found when I went to boarding
school and there met many like-minded people from many different
tribes had, gave me a greater sense of meaning or purpose in life.
Most critical, however, those Indians who were converted to
Christianity are the most severely. "

"In any case, I believe it today, Two-Spirit widget generation through
the internet and social networking easier than previous. They are
still facing the same problems and challenges such as homophobia,
sexism, or hatred, they can still fall back on a much larger community
- a mouse click away. "

"My homosexuality has me as a stand-up comedian is not harmed, rather
my habit, often vulgar, perform direct and uncompromising. However, I
take into account, as I would like to talk openly and honestly with
the people and the heart. I would later be remembered as funny, no
matter how I label the other, or me. "

At the end, his favorite punch? "I have them not, because I'm never
really satisfied with what I write or think of me, but I can tell you
one thing: I do love a good dick joke, obviously ...!"

Hard facts:
Name: Charlie Ballard
Age: 37
Location: Oakland, California.
Ethnicity: Anishnabe of Michigan and Sac & Fox of Oklahoma
Occupation: Stand-up Comedian
Relationship status: Single

Vanguardist Interview

OMG you guys, I'm soooooooo happy right now!

My interview with the Vanguardist just came out and I couldn't be more happy with it.

Earlier this Fall I was approached by a German magazine who was interested in doing an interview on me, there were interested in doing a piece on the Two Spirits and more particularly, the Gay Native American stand up comedian they saw on youtube.

I found this on the Vanguardist website, this is what the magazine is about!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What does the Vanguardist mean? The name VANGARDIST comes from the term avant-garde. They are the very guys marching in front of the troupes doing research and always looking for new paths, pioneers, so to speak VANGARDIST stands for all kinds o...f pioneers: in fashion, lifestyle, travel, technology, art and culture. It means finding your own way of living within a society while at the same time being a part of it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the link to the article:

http://www.vangardist.com/en/magazin/almost-fetish

They opening photo was taken by Kris Hernandez, they also used Adam Bouska's NOH8 photo I took with him earlier this summer.

I'm so honored and grateful to have been asked to be apart of this magazine, I'm literally tearing as I write this. *sniffle sniffle*

And wow, I love the magazine, I have never seen so many hunky German men in my life, I definitely have to visit German soon!


xoxo

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Love

I haven't blogged about love in a while, when I think of love, I think of several things like family, friends, food, concerts, smells, Adele, comedy, men, traveling, the Creator and ???

First and foremost I love my mom and my brother. In my last write up Rachel Swan quoted me as a person, "who doesn't mince his words" , and I think not mincing words runs in my family. Yesterday my brother was throwing up, I asked him why and without skipping a beat he said, "its your cooking" . haha .. that fucker

I know it must be hard being a parent because I have put my mom threw a lot of shit, and threw it all, shes been there for us threw thick and thin. So I say to all my friends who are new parents, you can't go wrong with unconditional love.

I love love love my friends. I recently facebooked my little cousin who attended Haskell this past Fall and even though his football season didn't turn out the greatest, I hope he got to meet some nice people while he was there because even to this day, I'm still friends with all the Natives I ever went to school with. When you make good friends with Natives, they really are for life.

If I'm not careful, food will ultimately be the death of me. So to avoid an early age heart attack I know my eating habits are going to have to change. Who doesn't love a good cheeseburger right?

While growing up, I've always been a homebody and because of it, I missed a lot of great concerts like Madonna's, "Like a Virgin" , and so on. Of course when I got older I made it a point to see all the people I missed growing up in the 80's. My first memorable concert was watching Grace Jones at the Universe in SF. I was so fucked up drunk that night but the parts I do remember were cooler than shit. I think thats the way how people remember their concert going experiences?

I'm not going to lie, I'm a sucka for fresh fragrances, whether they be natural or store bought. A good scent tells a lot about a person which is why I love wearing anything fruity, pun intended.

Adele has really been rocking my world lately. Adele is this generations answer to Stevie Nicks and they are so lucky to have her. Her romance ballads eloquently capture all the emotion from being in a relationship, go girl, its good to know not all of us get over that shit so easily. At first when I heard of Adele, I thought she was just another White British hob nob trying to cover Black folks R & B music with her obvious hood Crenshaw name but as it turns out, shes legit.

Its been 9 years of comedy for me and I must love it because I'm still doing it. I have to admit, I'm a lot better then I was from when I first started out. There have been many ups and downs over the years but its been a great experience. I really do get a lot of joy from writing jokes because I never know what I'm going to come up with, I just know its going to be good. I hope thats not too narcissistic. ;)

It's raining men, hallelujah! The first time I ever saw a mans weenie in a porn magazine, I knew it was love at first sight, whats not to like right? I suppose I have managed to have a great sex life over the years because of my mantra for men, "be good to the weenie and the weenie will good to you" , those really are words to live by.

My comedy career has taken me to so many place and because of it I have gotten to meet so many people but sometimes I miss riding the Greyhound Bus and striking up conversations with interesting people. Once I rode a bus ride from Cali to Kansas, while at the Sacramento stop, I saved a womans life who was sitting right next to me because she was choking on her rice bowl. And really, all I did was give her one good slap on the back and boom, that rice was all over us. I didn't mind that she blowed chunks all over me because it was the experience and moment I cherished so much.

I love the Creator for helping me guide my life, so thank you Creator for all your blessings.

The last love I want to cover is ?????????? because I don't know it is yet. That's really how a lot of my loves have come into my life. I took a chance and did something I wasn't use to and boom, there it was.

Who knows the what the future bring, I just hope its filled with more love and happiness.

xoxo

Monday, December 26, 2011

Thank You Santa!

Santa Claus totally gave me exactly what I wanted for Christmas this year, I wanted to know who my #1 Hater Blog Fan was and when I found out, we totally giggled on the phone for an hour over the phone last night, too funny. So this means I'm opening my anonymous comments back up and for anyone to feel free to say whatever. ;)

At the request of this person, there identity did not want to be revealed but I will say this, she did leave me clues that it was her leaving the comments all along, ha ha, and hopefully this person will be able to join us in Florida next year for Gaydays.com !

Moving forward, just now I got an email from Jade that shes in town for Christmas, knowing her, shes probably already gone. I hate it when people tell me there in town the last minute and then want to get together for breakfast, whatev's, we could have spent Christmas together. I cooked this massive Christmas dinner last night and we had a lot left over, oh well, more for us.

In other news, our washer is finally getting fixed tomorrow, thank goodness.
It was such a hassle walking up the street with my laundry cart every couple of days, theres no way I would have made it through a work week without the washing machine being fixed so I'm really happy for that.

Now that 2012 is creeping upon us, its time to get to more physical and buckle down on what I eat, if I don't then theres now way the extra weight is going to come off. When you diet, it really does boil down to what you eat.

OMG, I didn't even talk about my quick trip to L.A. this past Friday, it was a fast one day trip, I went down with a friend, comedian Johan Miranda for, "Big Al's Big Ass Comedy Show" , at the Comedy Store in West Hollywood, California. We left Friday morning and got back Saturday evening. I've done one day trips to L.A. before but never by car, that trip really did take a lot out me but it was well worth it!

We left around 8:00am and pulled in around 3:00pm. We were supposed to stay with my friend Kathy but I found a really good deal on Hotwire.com for a hotel room and it was too hard to pass up. We stayed at a 3 1/2 star hotel at a 1 star price. And trust me, I know 1 star from hotwire because its bullshit.

Anyhoo, it was probably a good thing we got a room because that gave us a chance to shower, change, rest, and run around before we had to head out. And not to mention, we didn't have to worry about what time we had to be back, so the stress level factors were low.

We arrived at the Comedy Store about 6:30pm. As we were driving through L.A., there was nobody on the highways. For some reason I thought the L.A. highways were going to be a nightmare, especially on a Friday but I guess everyone went home for the holidays. It was almost like L.A. was a ghost town because nobody was out. I'm guessing many of them aren't rooted here and get homesick for the holidays.

I had about 50 people on my guest list and less then half of them showed up, which is about right. Most people who sign up for a guest list never show up so I always appreciate the people who do come out!

We were in the small comedy room upstairs called, The Belly Room" , so our intimate crowd was perfect! It would have been nice if the other comedians brought people but I guess they're still working on the followings.

Speaking of, I finally got to meet a few people from facebook which is always great! I got presented with some beautiful flowers from April Skinas, which was awesome!

and here they are again, I just love these, thank you April!



When comedian Comedian Gabriel Iglesias performs, his fans bring him cake.

So for now, if my fans want to bring me flowers, I would be totally cool with that!

Flowers are very personal to me. The Ojibwe are known through out Indian country for our traditional floral patterns so thats I why I wear flower prints on my tshirts and anywhere else. For the Anishnabe, flowers represent love and beauty, so thats why I love them so much.

SF Queer Comedian - Ricky Luna was in attendance for the show. He's been down there for a couple weeks already and from what I gather, is having a great time checking out the L.A. comedy scene. Ricky reminded me of a lot of myself the first time down there and you can just see the amazement and grand-ere in his eyes. After the show, we were all hanging outside in the Comedy Store lounge area and Ricky spotted his # 1 comedy idol - Sarah Silverman and then I was all, "lets go take a picture with that bitch" , and for once, Ricky was sooooo shy. So I walked over to Sarah and asked her if it was cool for her to pic with him of course she obliged.

Here are the pictures I took of them!

Don't they just look so adorable together?



Here they are getting acquainted like, "you say nigger in your comedy act too, so do I" !



Okay people, thats going to be it for today.

Happy a great New Year and everyone welcome back my #1 Hater Blog Stalker fan, yay, 2012 is going to be fantastic!

xoxo

Sunday, December 25, 2011

2011 in Review

I was going to post this blog later but I guess now is as good as time as any to write about how this past year went for me.

This is has been a crazy year, lets see if I can remember back from January.

It seems fitting I should have ended this year with doing a comedy show at the Comedy Store in West Hollywood, CA., because thats where I started the year with doing 2 shows in L.A., with NonStop Comedy, a LGBT show produced by Andrea Meyerson in Santa Monica, California and then another with Native Comedian Jim Ruel called, "All Mixed Up" , which I got to close out at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. Jim's show was amazing, there were plenty of Natives on hand that night so I got to break in a lot new Native material, which is not easy because those shows are few, far, and in between.

The beginning of the year was pretty tough for me personally, I really dug myself hole and now I can honestly say that I'm doing a lot better then I was earlier in the year. I know thats not really saying anything but again, I was going through something personal, so forgive me if I don't want to share that with you guys at this time, after all, I have to leave myself some kind of privacy right?

Things definitely picked up as the Spring rolled around. I got asked to perform in the Outlaugh Comedy Festival again at the Comedy Store and had a great time. Before that show, I got to warm with a college show for Native students at Stanford University with Jim Ruel.

This was also about the time the Revolutions began to happen in the Egypt, which quickly spread through out the Middle East.

And before you know it, a brave group of American activist called the Occupy Wall Street in NYC started a worldwide phenomenon that protested corporate and government greed, positive social change, and equal rights for the disenfranchised.

Somewhere along the way I feel in love Adele and who I can't stop listening to her songs on my youtube playlist. She had throat surgery and is doing well. I'm so glad because I can't to see her in concert. I only pay top dollar to see the best and I'm not afraid to spend a pretty penny to watch Adele sing.

The summer was nice, my mom wanted to visit the NMAI *National Musuem of the American Indian* in Washington D.C. and wanted to double the trip as a family reunion with a trip to Virginia Beach, Virginia., to visit my Aunt Beverly. For the longest, I have been wanting to visit the East Coast again and our time was great! Some of my highlights from that trip were visiting Mt. Trashmore and getting to do some comedy open mics in the D.C area.

Coming into the Fall while were still on the East Coast, I decided that when we came home I was going to produce a comedy show series. I didn't know where, I didn't when, and I certainly didn't know how it was going to turn out, okay, thats not true, when I came up with the, "Hella Gay Comedy Show" , theme which showcased a variety of talent, I did kind of knew I was onto something special. We did 5 shows in Oakland and all the hardwork I put into producing & promoting the shows paid off when we got a nice write up in the East Bay Express called, "Hella Gay Hotbed" , compliments of their music writer Rachel Swan. Thanks again Rachel!

This year was actually ending pretty good until I started getting nasty comments on my blog from some crazed stalker fan, now I know how Margaret Cho feels because thats the shit I've been doing to her all these years.

Anyhoo, lesson learned.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!

xoxo

San Francisco Gay Mens Chorus Christmas 2011

I was walking through the Castro tonight looking for something very San Francisco, iconic, gay, and Christmas. I hit the jackpot with these guys, the SF Gay Mens Chorus just finished with a performance and were kind enough to share a little bit of what they do, enjoy!

And a big Thank You to the SF Gay Mens Chorus for sharing your holiday cheer!

xoxo

Saturday, December 24, 2011

San Francisco Christmas

Merry Christmas from San Francisco!

This is my Christmas card to everyone. May all of you stay blessed, be safe and have a Merry Merry Christmas!

xoxo

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hater Stalker Fan

Hey guys, its come to my attention that a hater stalker fan has been posting nasty little comments on my blogs lately which is going to change the way people can leave comments on my blogs, which really isn't a bad idea.

When my, "Hella Gay Hotbed" , article came out a couple weeks ago, someone tried to leave a comment at the bottom of that link but it was blocked by the East Bay Express because they don't allow anonymous comments.

That really is a good policy for the EBX to enforce because it makes people accountable for their comments, so I guess its time for me to follow that lead.

Getting back to my #1 Stalker fan, I'm 90% sure I know who its coming from. But seeing as they're too chicken shit to say it to my face, its pointless to even waste one second worrying about it.

I'm not going to lie, I do have a few rivals in stand up comedy. I can think of a few other comedians who haven't been on television, who don't get positive write ups in the press, whose only following are there family or co-workers, and who aren't getting anywhere other then performing in someones living room.

That's not my fault, thats a reflection of their work ethic or lack thereof.

And maybe, just maybe, they should probably lay off all the weed and alcohol thats been apprehending their comedy careers in the first place.

But then again, after listening to some of their jokes, you can't blame drugs and alcohol on everything.

So here's my personal message to my #1 Hater fan, you get one more chance to leave your regular, "hater" , comment below because after this one, you'll have to register with Google to leave a comment below, so make sure its a good one because my readers expect the best.

And oh ...



Kisses!
xoxo

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Safe

I just got through watching, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" , and it was a pretty good flick. The movie has a lot of themes going on, the main one being survival. It seems to be a pretty common occurrence for movie writers to peg human beings who have an excellent survival instinct to also to be emotionless, apathetic, and deeply void of feelings.

Which makes me think that feelings are a luxury that so many people take disadvantage of.

I love watching movies because there stories expand my conscientiousness, like this one.

Watching, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" , made me think about how my life has been conditioned or should I say, raised.

One time my mom said to me, "I raised you to be safe" , and that really took me by surprise because I didn't know what she meant by that.

Then another time, a friend from school - Nyla, her mom said the same thing about me, she said, "I like Charlie because he's safe" .

WTF?

And still to this day I never really got a full explanation from either person what they meant by that.

This also makes me think that somewhere out there are parents who raise there kids to be courageous, independent, go getter's, smart, stupid, non-shalant, or whatever main family characteristic they wanted to pass onto their children.

For me, the word safe sums me up pretty good.

When I think of a safe person, I think of someone who was made not meant to be targeted emotionally or physically, someone who doesn't take chances because they have been raised to believe they're not good enough or believing achieving great success is done without chance or risk. To me, safe is a great word to describe someone who is trust worthy, reliable, honest, and avoids any kind of danger.

I wonder if this is the emotional baggage that's been keeping me fat for so long?

Sometimes I wish words or feelings were physical objects so that we could cut out of ourselves like fat because if it were, I would not only get my stomach stapled, I would remove any part of me that made me feel like shit or held me back.

Right now, I don't really care if I'm still regarded as safe or not. The value that I want to possess the most right now is having a brain and being able to think for myself. I appreciate the value of seeing my ideas come to fruition, especially if they're really good ones.

Because for me, there's nothing in the world like making a good decision especially when my life is concerned, hhhhhmmmmmmmm, I wonder if thats me safe again?

And FYI, this is one of my top 5 best blogs that I have ever written.

xoxo

Forever Lazy Snuggies

OMG, are you serious?

The new shopping craze are the, "Forever Lazy" Snuggies.

This is the exact line of thought for the person who invented this, "oh excuse me for a second, I need to change my baby. I wish there was something like this for adults" .

You know its true. I'm not knocking it, they actually look pretty comfortable.

I hope you anything the guy already has skid marks in his onesie.



Are those booty pockets?



I actually know people who lounge around in snuggies so this photo really isn't all that unthinkable.



If you can find a hot man who would ever wear an adult onesie, hold onto him, those ones are rare.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Laugh Fest Application

I really don't think anyone whose not a comedian, ever knows how not easy it is to get into a comedy festival, for the most part, they already know who they want, and if you want in, you have to do a really good job of selling yourself, especially if you're not a National performer.

The Laugh Fest is a new comedy festival in the 2nd year of production, which is located in Grand Rapids, MI. Last year they hosted my idol Margaret Cho, so they can't be all that bad.

So, on a whim from a friend, here's the letter I sent to the festival coordinator for a entrance spot, so we'll see what happens from here.

Thanks to Amy Vega Boyd for pushing me to do this!

xoxo

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Hi, my name is Charlie Ballard and I'm a Native Queer comedian based in San Francisco, CA. A friend suggested that I apply to your comedy festival to entertain your community.

I did headline a Grand Valley State comedy show last year. The student clubs brought me in apart of Native Heritage Month.

I hope you guys are interested in booking queer comedians, after all, you guys booked Margaret Cho last year and it doesn't get any gayer then that.

If you guys can't find a show to fit me in, we can always create an LGBT comedy show for the festival. Those types of shows usually go very well and Grand Rapids already has a good LGBT demographic to pull audience members from.

You guys can see more info about me on my website:

www.charlieballard.com

Thanks guys, I had really good time performing in GR the last time I was there.

And did I mention, my family is rooted from the Grand Rapids area? I'm Anishnabe, which is the name of the local Indians to your area or should I say our area. *winks*

Thanks, hope to hear from you.

xoxo

Charlie Ballard

Hella Gay Comedy Show Audience Comments

I just finished surfing the web for audience comments on the Hella Gay Comedy Show I produced, here's a small list of feedback that we got from the audience, enjoy!

Our harshest comments came from the Goldstar.com, which is a half price ticketing agency online. I decided to use them because they have a large LGBT database. The only drawback with them is that their members are use to getting quality entertainment for cheap, so the standard to please them was set pretty high.

The only thing that I thought was suspicious about using Goldstar, with all the slam comments we were getting from their members, we were still getting more people from Goldstar ready to buy tickets for the next show, go figure.

Seriously, some of them were like, "this show sucks but go see it anyways" . haha

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"This was a fairly amateur comedy show with some very out-of-the-box comedians. Alot of the material was so odd that much of the audience found it to be more confrontational than funny. I give them one star for the balls to be so "in your face," and another star to the organizer for putting together this showcase of gay and transgendered comedians. However, I would not go again" - Goldstar member 2 stars

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"There were moments when I would have given this two stars. But, then again, there were moments when I would have given it five. But overall lack of focus and cohesiveness put me on the low star side. Focus on the comedy! Opera and rap are great, especially when appropriate. Not in a comedy night" - Scott Carter 3 stars

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"The Hella Gay Comedy Show was hella straight. That is, out of a lineup of seven, there were two (self-proclaimed) dykes, three people in relationships with the opposite sex, and two comedians whose relationships/orientation didn't factor into their acts. Oh, and the emcee was pretty flaming (but not funny). I'm no separatist, but if you're going to bill something as "hella gay", get some LGBTQ entertainers! It's not really cool to have men bitching about their women ("Ya know what I mean?" No, not really.) and flamboyant straight women proclaiming how much they "love you people".

To sum up:
The two dykes were pretty funny.
The clown juggling dildos was the gayest thing up there. (And an amusing opener!)
The newbie -- Stephanie from Santa Cruz -- was the best act that night, and her sexual orientation didn't figure into it"
- Remy 3 stars

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"I'm sure the talent will vary from show to show (and we attended the first one). While we really appreciate the effort to produce gay-themed entertainment in the east bay, this event is going to have to turn it up a notch or two if it wants to maintain a decent following.

Aside from an AMAZING opera singer (who performed in spite of hideous and constant loud feedback), and a "Gaysian" comic whose name I forget (but he could do vocal impressions like nobody's business) the rest of the field ranged from odd (a "straight" man who kept coming out to propose marriage to various female audience members), to awful (a guy who performed a "rock opera" in a terrible psuedo russian accent even tho he claimed to be german and whose "prop" was a powerpoint presentation on a laptop that no one could see/read).

MC didn't really add anything to the mix. We left early. Chips and guacamole were good"
- Jordieb 3 stars

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"I enjoyed the show, alot of variety. Jackie was great, I hope to see her again. It had a good flow" - Goldstar Member 3 stars

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"I didnt know it would be a variety show. We really came to hear more comedy by Charlie, this wasnt the case. The variety was alright although sometimes less is more. It looked like everyone there didnt have to by a tickets. People were just walking in and having a seat" - Cmrizzuto 4 stars

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"Jackie was AMAZING!" - Goldstar Member 4 stars

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"I think that for this show, they definitely took into consideration the things that people didn't like about previous shows. It was all comedy; well, just about. There was a comedic magician/clown. Either way, with the eclectic selection of comedians, we were all laughing practically the entire time there. Our absolute favorite was a comic named Andrew, who usually does a "Gay Jesus" routine but did something different but completely hilarious. I'd definitely come again. At the end of the show, they announced that it will be Free!!! How awesome is that?" - Goldstar Member 4 stars

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"totally fun" - Razza 5 Stars

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"There were two tiers of tickets. I paid for the more expensive tickets, but it didn't matter, I still didn't get a seat. Standing next to the bar, I endured a horrific opening act followed by one lame “comedian” after another. One comedian I would refer to as funny; the others wouldn't even pass for a courtesy smile. We ended up leaving about an hour in to the show. It was truly awful and certainly not worth the drive from the city. Save your money by buying take-out and watching the Comedy channel" - Goldstar Member 2 stars

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"Half of the comedians were entertaining........"
- Goldstar Member 2 stars

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Thank God I invited other social groups to attend the show, they were definitely less critical and more jovial to have around, here are some comments from the MeetUp.com LGBT Fun Group

"I would strongly encourage everyone to go next month! I had a great time, funny entertainment, laughter, good food and drink..... I hope to see everybody there January"
!! - Santos

"hella funny" - Jill

"Loads of great acts and a wonderful crowd. Laughed a lot" ! - Katrina

"My Hella Gay ass loved the Hell out of this Hella Gay funny as f*ck comedy show.=D " - Jess

TMI

How much is enough when I share my blogs with you guys?

Its funny how people never respond to my blogs until I put my really personal shit out there and then like vultures, they're all over it with their comments.

But thats people for you I guess. I learned that lesson back at Sherman when I told Mrs. Kanitobe, the Ramona Dorm matron, that the other boys were making fun of me by talking about me and she said, "well, thats people for you, they're going to talk" . So from that day on I had to get over it and accept it. As the years went on, I learned to appreciate the people who were able to keep their comments to themselves and the other people who told your their opinions whether you wanted to hear them or not.

We really do all have our own demographics. I can think of a few people who lead picture perfect lives in my community and are well respected as they should be, they really do lead good lives and are excellent examples of model human beings.

Me however, on some days I am the complete opposite and struggle really hard to keep my shit together, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially.

I can think of a few personal hardships I've had to endure growing up, none of which I want to remember or think about it, and to this day I still carry those burdens with me because I haven't learned to let them go.

This is my demographic, I'm here for those people who've been in my situation and need someone to relate too.

When I was growing up, I was very fortunate to have a few very good role models that showed me how to have a big heart and keep it open to the worst of people and the worst of situations. As I got older I learned that these same people I looked up to had their own personal hardships as well. It's scary to me to think that someday these fabulous people I know will be gone and the only thing left by them will be those values in which they entrusted to me.

Their work was not in vain, after all, at times I was a good student and hopefully I did my job and passed their wisdom along to the next generation, only time will tell.

One thing is for sure, I can still love which is probably why I've been listening to Adele a lot lately, go girl.

xoxo

cb

Friday, December 16, 2011

Margaret Cho-esque Blog

Hey all, I finally got some free time on my hands so I wanted to spend it creatively.

Whenever I surf the web, I always navigate non-discriminately because I never know whats going to peak my interest but I am beginning to see a pattern in my interest. Here's a quick list of my web topics today:

- Food
- Famous Naked Celebrities (Mario Lopez)
- The Shortest Woman in the World
- Sports
- Margaret Cho

If any of you guys follow my blogs, then you guys know how much of a big Margaret Cho fan I am. Seriously, I know its Christmas so if anybody wants to kidnap her and drop her off on my doorstep all wrapped in up Christmas paper, that would be super awesome.

haha just kidding, I'm only devilish with her because I can be.

But seriously, I do read a lot of her blogs and love her writing style, so much that I'm going to try and write a blog using her very descriptive writing method, enjoy.

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The Very First Time I Lost My Viginity (True Story)


The very first time I let a guy penetrate me with his dick was when I was 16. That was my sophomore year of high school when I decided to stay home from Sherman. Staying home from Sherman was a big mistake for me, I knew Riverside was the place I wanted to be but for whatever reason I decided to stay home in 1990. So to bide my time until I could go back to Sherman, I had to find a way to keep myself busy socially and so I found the # 900 Gay Chat lines in the newspapers. I definitely found men to hook up with on the # 900 Gay Chat lines, and thinking back on it, I always tried to sound older when talking talking to strange men on the phone, I don't know why, if I knew then how much my youth was a hot commodity I would have tried to sound younger.

I was such a goof trying to talk to older men on the phone. There was this one college guy from Berkeley but I kept giggling with and that really annoyed him. He was all, "what is so funny, why are you laughing" . And honestly, I was really nervous. I had a hard time projecting an older image and couldn't keep it going. I just remember how irate he got with me and how he still wanted me to come over and screw me, thank goodness I passed.

Calling the # 900 Gay Chat was usually a hit or miss for me, sometimes I would hook up with a really cute guy or a nasty looking troll. This scene got old for me really quick and I wanted something different. Once, I remember talking to an older guy and I asked him where everyone was at, he said, "everyone's at the Bench & Bar" . As soon as he told me it was a gay bar I could not wait to hang up on old his ass and venture out.

My first impressions of the Bench & Bar, it was this little dive bar tucked away near the Oakland Museum, right above an underpass. When I was first walked in, obviously, everyone was older and surprisingly I didn't get carded. In all fairness I did look old for my age. I remember going to Reno for a bowling tourney that year and I didn't get card at the Roulette table while other 20 somethings around me did, I don't know, maybe it was the way I carried myself too, who knows.

For the next 15 or so years, the Bench and Bar became my second home. I saw so many Black Drag Shows on Sunday night and spent many of my Friday nights learning how to salsa, cumbia, and merenge at the Latin Explosion night.

On one fateful night, while still in high school, I decided to let this old Black troll take me home with him. I still remember the apartment complex he took me to, it was right next to the BART tracks near San Leandro, California. It never occurred to me that this man was obviously not my type but at this age, I didn't know I had a type. I also remember being a good liar to him. He kept asking me all these personal questions like where I lived and what I do, none of which I told him but I do remember lying to him about the fancy neighborhood I lived in called, "Ridge Crest" , which is in the Oakland hills. He knew exactly where I was talking about because he said, "oh, you must be rich" .

When we got back his place, we got undressed and played around. We did the usual oral versatile thing and after we were done with the preliminary blow jobs, he pulled my legs over his shoulders and said, "this is what you want" , and then he put his old wrinkly Black cock into my asshole. Thinking back, its probably a good thing his dick was old and wrinkly because he could have seriously hurt me with a younger viral cock. For me, that was the first time I got penetrated, he jabbed me just once with his cock and that was enough. I really thought I was going to die after that. For some stupid reason I thought I was going to enjoy it like all the gay bottoms I saw in the gay porns but now I see where why they're called porn, "actors" , because that shit fucking hurts. After he put it in I immediately pulled it out and started curling up but couldn't because it hurt to curl. I can still remember the pain to this day, it was unbearable.

After wiping the tears from my face, I put my clothes back on because the date was over. He drove me back to the Bench & Bar and that was that.

(to be continued)

xoxo

Santa Claus and Native Americans

Ho Ho Ho! Here are some Christmas jokes I wrote with a Native twist, enjoy!

xoxo

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1) In most households when Santa Claus comes to visit, they leave out milk and cookies for him, in Native households they leave out mutton stew.

2) An old Indian woman once said about Santa Claus, "that man's real big, how come he don't get diabetes like the rest of us" .

3) Mrs. Claus can always tell when Santa spends time with the Native people because after she tells him something, he always responds back, "alright den" .

4) Originally, Santa Claus tried using rez dogs to pull his slay but it was too hard to get them on his porch from napping.

5) Santa Claus fits perfectly into Native Culture, his jingle bells sound real good on the powwow dance floor.

6) Frosty the Snowman hates it when people pee in his snow.

7) Santa Claus Fact: Santa's red nose is not caused by the cold but by years of habitual drinking.

8) The first time Santa Claus met Native Americans he spent 5 hours trying to convince them the North Pole wasn't a reservation.

9) When Santa Claus visits the Indian reservations he doesn't bring his slay with him anymore, one time he noticed a reindeer missing from his slay and was wondering where the good beef jerky came from.

10) Santa Claus is very careful when he drops presents off on the Hopi reservation. The last time he was there he accidentally took a little Hopi back with him to the North Pole because he thought they were one of his elves.

Worlds Shortest Woman from India



NAGPUR, India (AP) — A high school student in central India was recognized as the world's shortest woman by Guinness World Records on Friday as she turned 18 and said she hopes to earn a degree and make it in Bollywood.

Jyoti Amge stood just 62.8 centimeters (24.7 inches) tall — shorter than the average 2-year-old — when Guinness representatives visiting from London measured her at a ceremony attended by about 30 relatives and friends in the town of Nagpur, in Maharashtra state.

A teary-eyed Amge, dressed in one of her finest saris, called the honor an "extra birthday present" and said she felt grateful for being small, as it had brought her recognition. After receiving a plaque, she and her guests cut a birthday cake.

"I have put Nagpur on the world map. Now everyone will know where it is," said Amge, who says she dreams of one day becoming a Bollywood film star as well as pursuing a university degree after she finishes high school this year.

"I want to be an actor," she said.

She measured 7 centimeters (2.76 inches) shorter than 22-year-old American Bridgette Jordan, who had held the title since September.

"Jyoti encourages us all to look beyond mere size and to just celebrate our differences," Guinness adjudicator Rob Molloy said.

This was not Amge's first Guinness record. Until Friday she was considered the world's shortest teenager, but in turning 18 qualified for the new title. She has grown less than 1 centimeter (0.4 inch) in the last two years, Guinness said in a statement, and will grow no more due to a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia.

Her teenage title brought the chance for multiple Guinness-sponsored trips to Japan and Italy for tours and meetings with other record holders, she said.

The title of shortest woman in history continues to be held by Pauline Musters, who lived in the Netherlands from 1876 to 1895 and stood 61 centimeters (24 inches) tall.

Holiday Family Greeting Card

This is so true, Happy Holidays to all you cell phone freaks!

xoxo

Sasha Baron Cohen - The Dictator

OMG, I'm sorry to all the Arab's and Middle Easterners for the new Sasha Baron Cohen movie, "The Dictator" , that it might offend but this shit is funny.

Sasha Baron Cohen pushes the envelope again in this over the top parody spoof of a Middle Eastern tyrant. It's hard to say which Middle Eastern public figure Sasha is making fun of so I'm assuming Sasha is making fun of all of them.

At different times in the media, I've heard a lot of the Middle Eastern leaders say some stupid ridiculous comments about women, the war, and world cultures. So I'm sure it wasn't difficult for Sasha to mine material for this movie.

As mush as I love Sasha, I'm a little scared for him now. I mean, after all, his last name is Cohen. *Jewish* And if I'm not mistaken, the Middle Eastern countries hate anything Jewish related ie Israel, Hanukkah, matza balls and their freedoms, someone please note me otherwise in the comment box below if I'm wrong.

But like I said, the Muslim community is notorious for getting easily pissed and blowing shit up. I wouldn't be surprised if a Ghad suicide bomber trys to take out a entire movie audience for trying to watch, "The Dictator" , but it would give a new meaning to the expression, "that movie bombed" .

xoxo

Half Naked Mario Lopez

Mario Lopez just launched his new underwear line called: Rated M

Mario is well known for his physical fitness and great looks. It only makes sense he debuts his new underwear modeling it himself.

After all these years, Mario Lopez still looks fine with his cute dimples, you be the judge.

xoxo









Tuesday, December 13, 2011

IHS Jokes * Indian Health Service*

If you're Native American and have received healthcare on the reservation, then you have probably experienced some of these occurences at a IHS *Indian Health Service* hospital.

1) I paid my IHS dental bill in full and the lady was like, "are you sure you want to pay all of it" ? Only at IHS.

2) My worst experience ever at IHS. I suffered a mild heart attack and they gave me ear drops.

3) You know you've received IHS care when you've been waiting in the emergency room for more then 12 hrs waiting to get seen.

4) You know you've received IHS care when you come back from your diabetes support group and they're selling frybread out front.

5) I went to IHS for my annual check up and my doctor tried to sell me tires too, wtf?

6) Only at IHS do their name tags say - Doctor-ish

7) If the healthcare at IHS is so good, then why do IHS employee's have healthcare somewhere else?

8) I went into IHS for a dental cleaning and came out with a paps mere.

9) I will give IHS this, you can find the best NDN jewelry and breakfast burrito's in the parking lot.

10) You know you're getting IHS healthcare when the emergency transport is a a flatbed truck.

Ricky Luna

Hey folks, this weeks featured celebrity is avant garde comedian Ricky Luna!

Ricky started his stand up comedy career at the famed Brainwash Cafe in San Francisco and since then has become an incredible force of nature on the mic stand.

What makes Ricky unique is his utter fearlessness to take on social taboo's like racism, homophobia, sexism, & hedonism, to just to name a few.

Look at these photo's and you tell me if me if Miss Luna wasn't meant to be a star!

Dare I even say Ricky is the only LGBT Rock n Roll comedian on the comedy scene right now.

xoox







Monday, December 12, 2011

How Well Do You Know Me

Charlie Ballard pet peeve # 324: I hate it when people say, "I know you" . If you know me so well then what are the answers to these questions.

#1) What was the name of the kids tv show that I madly fall in love with when I was 3 years old?

Answer: The Mickey Mouse Club - I could not take my eyes off that tv show, I always wished I could be a mousekateer, wear the hat with mouse ears, and sing a long with them!

#2) What kind of stuffed animal did I use to carry around when I was 5 and what was unique about it?

Answer: I was given a stuffed dog for Christmas, I think it was pound puppy. I loved that stuffed even when it lost its left eye.

#3) Who was my first high school love?

Answer: Suckers, do you really think I would tell you guys.

#4) What is my middle name and what does it mean?

Answer: A few people know what my middle name is and even a few know what it means, I like to keep it that way.

#5) How many different pairs of Dockers shorts did I talk myself out of buying at Mervyn's back in 1990?

Answer: I had 30 different pairs of Dockers shorts in my hands as I walked up to the Mervyn's cashier. I had every color in my hand, blue, green, red, fusia, black, cherry, orange, and so on. Something just clicked with me that I was going too far so from then on I would only buy a limit of three colors to one style of clothes, and that's even if I like it.

The point to this blog is not to make assumptions about people you don't know and especially not take them for granted.

I have personally known the same people for years and I still learn something new about them everyday.

xoxo

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Haskell Christmas Bingo

My friend Leandra who works for Haskell, posted these Haskell Christmas Bingo pics on her facebook page and they are adorable.

The HINU student activities department works really hard to provide fun activities for Haskell students while they're in college.

In this activity, the school sponsored a Christmas Bingo event and just looking at these photo's brings back some good memories.

Enjoy!

xoxo

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Uh oh! It looks like somebody lost a bingo game by one number again.





A student who just won the largest Rice Crispy Treat box in the world, awesome!




The Bingo Master himself - Rex Cully *HINU Student Activities Supervisor* calling the numbers!



The Auditorium

Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer Hudson is currently on the cover of Ebony magazine. Her photo spread is amazing. In the past 2 years J.Hud has managed to drop 80lbs with the help of Weight Watchers and it really shows. Go Jennifer with your bad self!

Pick up the latest issue of Ebony and check her out!

xoxo

Labor of love

What an exhausting week it's been for me. I can't remember working so many doubles in a while. For those of you who don't know, while I pursue my dream being a professional stand up comedian at night, I work as a waiter in Mexican restaurant in downtown SF during the day. Work really picked up this past week and I can't remember working that many doubles back to back in a long time, the money was good and it's totally helping me get out of debt right now, yup, my cheeseburger habit add's up fast.

So since I was at work all this past week, I had no time to run around the lake. That's too bad too because I can feel my pants getting looser and I'm able to wear my belt one notch in! That's quite an accomplishment if you ask me.

The other thing on my plate has been the Hella Gay Comedy Show, we just finished the last show for the Fall series last night and we packed out the room again.

I was so proud of all my performers. I am so lucky to know to so many wonderful comedians who enjoy doing their performance art.

Starting off last night's show was comedian magician Fred Anderson. I put him first because I knew his dynamic act would set off the show. There were moments when you could the feel crowd wanting more from Fred. So, if some of you guys didn't get enough, definitely go check him out at the Actor's Theater for his New Years Comedy Celebration!

Our second batter for the evening was Miss Queen TT. As always, this woman brings the heat. Every show I have ever booked her for, she's been sensational and a crowd favorite.

Up next was the very talented hipster, "alternative", (eastbayexpress) comedian - Andrew Holmgren. Andrew worked his set like a real pro, he's come such a long way since I first started to take notice of him at the Nick Crispy Taco's comedy open mic a couple of years ago, expect big things from him in the future.

On a chance meeting, I happen to attend the QComedy show in SF and met Carrie Avritt. She saw the Hella Gay Comedy Show a month before and was interested in performing. I love chance meetings because she was a pleasure to meet and she was fabulous to have on the show!

Pacing the middle of the show was Tony Sparks. Before Tony went up I told him not to hold back and go for it, and he sure did let the crowd have it. Tony is a ball of fire when he gets hot and he was hot.

The Hella Gay Comedy Show is a mix of working professionals and newbies. Our newbie for last night was Stephanie Milton. I met Stephanie at the San Jose Improv when they were hosting the Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition. When we exchanged hello's she had mentioned she hadn't been on stage before so I said, "why not come to my show and pop your cherry" . Stephanie did very well and we look forward to seeing her around the comedy scene, she has a bright future in stand up a head of her.

Closing out last nights show was Dolores Trevino. Dolores is an old school LGBT performer from the 80's, she used to perform at the Valencia Rose and Josie's Ca berate when it was in effect. And would you guys believe Dolores was in retirement from stand up comedy and it was the Hella Gay Comedy Show that helped pull her back out! She saw the HG flyers from this years Oakland Pride Festival and the rest is herstory.

Did I mention I have tomorrow off and I'm done working a 6 day schedule? My poor dogs are tired right, what I wouldn't give for a hot man to rub my feet right now. I can't believe I just said that. I think I must be getting old. The old me would have just said, "I want a hot man to roll me over and make pancake soup out of me" , haha.. whatever that means, but seriously I really do want a hot man to give me an incredible foot rub because I have earned it, well at least in the beginning before he does the nasty to me. *winks*

Okay everybody! Happy Holidays, stay warm and safe!

xoxo

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Hella Gay Comedy Show Write Up

If anyone in show business has ever done press work, then they know how the press can cut the fat from the article to make it more meaty and a better read.

Here's the link to article:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/ebx/hella-gay-hotbed/Content?oid=3061868

That's the chance you take with doing an interview with an independent news group, they do their best job to capture your work unbiasedly and then present it to the masses for consumption.

Before the, "Hella Gay Hotbed" , article came out, I was talking to my mom last week about what was covered and she said, "I hope it translates well" , and you know what, it did.

There were some other points that I made that I wished were quoted but when you're doing a professional interview, you can't very well say that during the interview like, "this is what I want covered and it better be in there" , because that would be tacky.

But thinking back on our hour long interview session, there were some key points that I was trying to get across that didn't come up in the article.

*Our best performers for the last 4 Hella Gay Comedy Shows have been the transgendered comedians, leading the way were Tammy Powers, Hard Violet, Cassandra Gorgeous, and Morgan.

*I had to pull a gay comedian from the Hella Gay Comedy Show because he was harassing a trans comedian at another comedy club and the trans comedians was pissed because she thought we're all *LGBT* supposed to stick together and have each others back, and you know what, she is absolutely right, so that's why I bumped that gay comedian from my show. Personally, I've been in her position before so I understood exactly where she was coming from. A while back I was under the guise that all LGBT comedians were supposed to stick together but that all came crashing down when I met people who are only out for themselves. So I made a decision a long time ago to be one of the people who supports other comedians, gay or straight, and to stay away from the self absorbed types.

*There were parts in the article that made me come off aggressive which is mostly true. That's not my personality at all. I was talking to a friend earlier and was saying, "this is what is probably feels like to be Kate Gosslin" . That woman does not play around, she has all those kids to take care of and she manages to do it all with a positive proactive attitude. Now this is how I can relate to Kate. I don't have a comedy manager, I am not represented by any agency, all the press, bookings, and money I have made from stand up comedy has been from the hard work I put into it myself, and I think after all these years of having to do it myself, it's made me a hard person, especially with dealing with people because I don't have time for bullshit. See look, there I go again. I wish I could be one of those comedians who have management and did everything for me, I'm sure that must be nice.

*There were also parts in the interview that made me sound like a greedy shrew and I'm not that at all. Some comedians were under the illusion I was pocketing large amounts of money from the ticket sales. I will say this again, 90% of the crowds who came to our shows were comp'd or got free tickets in some way. The 30$ - 100$ I did manage to make from door sales I kept as a reimbursement because there were a lot of expenses that went into the show such as flyers, press cards, decorations, etc. Again, nobody was working for me, I was doing all this shit myself. If I would have just sat on my ass and did nothing to promote the show, we would have had half of many people or less if I wasn't such a good hustler. My main goal for the Hella Gay Comedy Show was to create an LGBT audience so that's why I went after so many LGBT social groups and offered them free tickets, since they are the base market for this demographic, I thought that was a great idea to do and still do. The flipside, with all the comps I was giving out, I knew I wasn't going to be making any money to pay the comedians accordingly because with all the comps I giving away I knew there was very little money to be made from the ticket sales so that's why I got the La Estrellita Cafe to give the performers a free drink ticket and appetizers.

*This is my contribution back to the Bay Area. The Oakland SF Bay Area really is its own bubble with so much great talent everywhere. The crowds here really are the best and the most supportive.

*I had to chuckle when Rachel caught me ordering my Egg Nog frapp at the Cafe Madrid because I was like, "I'm sure I asked for whip cream" .


xoxo

Hella Gay Hotbed



Hey guys, I recently got a great write up in the East Bay Express called the, "Hella Gay Hotbed" , which is an article on the Hella Gay Comedy Show I produce in Oakland. Thanks to the EBX and Rachel the great write up!

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By some counts, Charlie Ballard has a borderline-Tourettes impulse to say whatever he's thinking at the moment, so long as it hews to his theme of being a gay Native American comic. That often doesn't go so well. Like, say, the time he auditioned for America's Got Talent and regaled a straight-laced audience in Oregon with his best "gay Native American" stereotype: It required Ballard to whoop while patting his left butt cheek. He was promptly booed offstage.

"I don't think anyone wanted to see a pouty gay Indian," he said indignantly, recalling the incident a year later. "I mean, I'm notorious for my dick jokes. ... When I went up there, I was like, all TV-ready, and they still cut me down. I was like, 'You guys booed me down for that?' I was like, 'Gimme another minute. I'll give you guys a reason to boo me down.'"

A recent performance at the now-defunct Occupy San Francisco encampment went somewhat better. Ballard started his set by asking if any occupiers needed a blow job to keep warm. They laughed. One woman took him seriously. "Hey, the gay tents are all in the back," she told him.

Though Ballard is already eight years into his comedy career, he's still trying to cultivate an audience. A part-time waiter at Chevy's, he's tall, bulky, and soft-featured, with an almost prickly sense of self-command. He's the kind of person who knows what he wants without looking at a menu — as he demonstrated with an elaborate beverage order at Oakland's Cafe Madrid: medium eggnog frappuccino, no coffee, just the nog, thank you. He signs all his emails "Xoxo, CB. Hi Hi Hi Bye Bye Bye!!"

Ballard thinks that having provocatively gay material could be one of his pitfalls, since it makes some people uncomfortable. Plus, his emphasis on raunch is compounded by his overall confrontational personality. Ballard certainly isn't one to mince words. He said he really wished America's Got Talent had aired his audition tape, "just to show what assholes those guys were."

But he's also willing to acknowledge that one person's alienation is another person's niche market. And ultimately, Ballard decided that "hella gay" was the way to go, from both a business and a pop-culture standpoint. In September he launched a monthly LGBT comedy showcase at La Estrellita Cafe in East Oakland. Performers don't have to be gay, though it's definitely an enforced theme. Thus, heterosexual alt-comic Andrew Holmgren appeared on the show in the guise of a gay Jesus, at Ballard's behest. "Yeah," Ballard said, grinning mischievously. "We went there." He even upped the ante by convincing Holmgren to dress one of his friends up as a gimp (i.e., sex slave).

Admittedly, La Estrellita is a fairly interesting place to hold a gay comedy night. A small, family-owned Mexican restaurant on East 12th Street, it sits in an area that's largely untapped for gay infrastructure. But owner Jose Macias seems to relish the newfound comedy clientele. "We're gay-friendly here," Macias said, acknowledging that Estrellita hosts a wide variety of events — including cumbia, salsa, and spoken-word nights — to honor the diversity of its surrounding neighborhood. He added that overall, The Hella Gay Comedy Show has been remarkably successful, despite lacking a big-name headliner to anchor it. The October show was standing-room only, and Ballard clocked 108 people at the door.

Moreover, Ballard said, the supply-and-demand laws are in Oakland's favor, given that Berkeley has long been home to "Marga's Funny Mondays" (which ended on Halloween) and San Francisco is a veritable hotbed for gay-themed comedy nights — most notably, "Funny Tuesdays" at Harvey's Restaurant & Bar in the Castro. Oakland, in contrast, is surprisingly gay-comedy-bereft. That's dispiriting, Ballard says, given that the East Bay has a high concentration of LGBT folks per capita. "When people think gay, they think San Francisco," he scoffed. "But guess what bitches, we're already in your community."

Lest you doubt their numbers, Ballard is quick to point to the sizeable crowds that show up at Hella Gay. He tries to keep things interesting by turning the event into a variety show, of sorts. He has booked soprano opera singer Taylor Ott, improvisational comedian Kazumi Kusano (who does a fake geisha bit that, in Ballard's estimation, is "quite fabulous"), and a transgendered storyteller named Morgan. His next showcase will feature a comic magician named Fred Anderson. He's considered booking a trapeze act.

Ballard has also burned a few bridges along the way — a couple Hella Gay performers were resentful that Ballard paid them in tacos, even though he gets the venue for free and charges $10 at the door. When confronted, though, he remains indignant. "Well, you are getting a free drink and free nachos," he reminded one grouchy comedian. "So there's some sort of payment involved." Ballard also points out that he has a symbiotic relationship with his performers — they get stage time and a little press; he handles all the promotion and pockets what he says is $30-$100 in paper returns. Macias said that by enforcing a two-drink minimum next year, they'll hopefully make enough money to pay the comedians, too.

Ballard remains sanguine about it. Even if some artists don't come back, he always has more lined up. That's just the nature of the beast. "I know gay comedians up the ass," he said. "No pun intended."

-Rachel Swan

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Native Comedy All Stars

James Junes



Ernest Tsosie III



Pax Harvey



Marc Yaffee



Howie Miller



Tatanka Means



Vaughn Eagle Bear



Adrianne Chalepah

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Adele - Lovesong

"whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again" - Adele


Saturday, December 3, 2011

Mommie Queerist

was amazing! "Mommie Queerist" , is a new woman show by Kat Evasco premiering at Bindlestiff Studios and tonight I witnessed greatness.

Kat Evasco is a Tagalong lesbian playwright *Filipino* currently residing in San Francisco, CA.

Her play is an autobiographical piece showcasing the pivotal points of her life, her first kiss with a boy and a girl, the first time she fell in love, discovering her mother is a closet lesbian, coming to grips with her own sexuality, breaking the silence of cultural taboo's, finding her voice, and future aspirations filled with hope.

"Mommie Queerist" , was definitely an emotional roller coaster ride. She started the play with some of her trademark stand up comedy bits and then there were moments in the show where there was not a dry eye in the house, her monologues were so moving, as an audience member you couldn't help but feel her passion through Kat's magnificent storytelling.

What I admire most about, "Mommie Queerest" , is Kat's courage to tell her story, exposing personal truths, secrets about her family, and sheer candidness.

If you're in the Bay Area, go see this show, its worth every penny of admission! You can still her show for the first two weekends in December up until the 17th!

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/209087

I give Kat's new play five ♥♥♥♥♥'s! Good job girl!

xoxo