I had a really great time hosting the San Francisco Theater Festival this past Sunday at Fort Mason.
I honestly really didn't think I was going to make it this year because I didn't get in until 5am the night before and then I had to be up at Fort Mason by 11:30am.
That's what I get for missing my first latenight bus back to Oakland, shit, my fat ass got hungry for a Krispy Kreme donut so I went to the gas station and ended up missing the 2am bus. Then, like a stupid ass I was waiting for a bus down Market, which never showed up and that's how I missed my 3am connection.
By this time, I was like literally looking for a motel room on Market St. and wouldn't you know I couldn't find one, everyone's motel was booked.
Needless to say after all that walking, I finally made it home.
Getting home so late, I was also worried that I might not be fresh for the all the plays I was going to host.
Fortunately, my witts were with me.
I really had a great time with the SF Theater Festival, I laughed, I cried, I saw so many great performers and felt really lucky to be apart of it.
One of my favorite performers of the day was Ryan Hayes. He did a 30 minute solo piece based on Walt Witman's poetry about gay relationshiops. It was almost like he was reciting modern day Shakespeare. I also loved how he was pulling men from the audience and flirting with them in his monologue, sound familiar?
I was moved by his performance so much, when he was done, I asked if I could respond to his monologue with a short improvised piece that I wrote on the spot while he was performing, and really my response was to why he was picking the cute men in the audience and not me, here it is:
Fuck You Walt Whitman
by Charlie Ballard
Why do you chooseth him and not me?
is it his fair skin
is it plush eyes
or his galavanting crock's?
Why not chooseth me
and suckle from my bossum?
Do my water fountains not fill your void?
Only now do you realize what you've
been looking for stand
in frontith of you
with your eyes wide shut.
Because you see with
your eyes and not with your heart,
I can only offer you
one body part
passing, my palm,
because you are not the bomb.