Saturday, June 18, 2011
How to Pick Up a Gay Guy
Model: Benj Gutz
This blog is for all my socially inept gay men out there who don't know how to pick up other gay men other then in bushes or truck stop restrooms.
1) First, go to a place where Gay men gather... ie. Kathy Griffin comedy show, SF Gay Pride or a donut shop.
2) Next, carefully pick who you're most attractive guy near you, meaning pick somebody who looks like they have a nice job because we all know gay men are some money grubbin bitches.
3) Be prepared to act really fucking fake because if it's one thing gay men like, it's acting pretentious. Even though most gay men are middle class or below, the closest we'll ever come to being rich is acting fabulous.
4) If you still haven't approached your guy by now it's because you're not sure if he's interested in you or not. Quickly go to the jukebox and play a really sexy song and then make sure you dance right in front of him so he see's you moving and groovin your booty, then slowly turn around and make eye contact with him because chances are that he's probably sized up already while you were shaking the junk in front of him.
5) When you slowly turn around, make sure to keep eye contact with him and see if he's smiling, if he is then that's your cue to go in for the kill. Keeping your eyes locked on his eyes and then very seductly walk over to him and say "hi.. what's your name" , and I repeat... DO NOT DO NOT look at his crotch while you're walking over to him. This says to him that you're a horny slut and you're only interested in his dick, which you probably are. You have to remember, this guy gets hit on by dozens of gay cheap bitches like yourself nightly and if you want a chance with him then you're going to have to come up with something a little bit more original.
I know most gay men don't know what the word "original" means because we all act/talk/dress/sound/smell the same.
If all else fails and he still doesn't want to show you any love and you still want him really really bad, then politely go up to him and say, "this boy pussy isn't going to fuck itself" , and then walk away.
Because even though you're ass has already been dissed, you still get a chance to walk away with your dignity.
But like most gay men who can't take rejection well, if you totally want to show him he passed up on a good thing then totally start macking on the guy next to him to show him your bus stop cleary has more than one route on it.
Happy Dick Hunting ladies!
In all honestly, I completely don't know how to pick gay men, this blog is a sarcastic response to another post I saw online entitled, "How to Pick Up a Gay Guy" . And really this blog is about my experience's in the gay dating world.