Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm in love again..

This week's flavor and I do mean flavor is Yigit Pura from the Bravo tv show - Top Chef: Just Desserts

I'm telling you guys, we're a match made in heaven. He likes to make desserts and I like to eat them. And can you believe he lives in SF. This isn't the first time I've been drawn to men from Turkey. Lately it seems like they've been popping up all around me. The last cute one I saw was when I went to Canada and stayed in a hostel with him all week. If this is any indication, I need to go to Turkey real soon and see what's up.

Alright ladies, don't even think about trying to take this one away from me. I seens him first!


Blogging on the regular

is not as easy as it sounds... usually I wait for some source of inspiration to write about something.

For me, it's pretty pointless to write about everyday shit because there's no personal energy behind it. Like if I wanted to write about making a peanut butter sandwich during the middle of the day, what's so exciting about that, right, it's not like the Virgin Mary's face popped up in my peanut butter but if it did, that would be prett cool and I'd definitely let you guys know. But alas, I'm looking at my peanut butter sandwich right now and I see no Virgin Mary, instead it looks like fresh dog poop, uhmmm delicious.

But I do have something to blog about. Lastnight I performed at the Rocket Room open mic in SF and had such a great time. This is how much of a great time I had. There were only 6 people left in the building and I rocked it. 2 of them were comics still waiting for their turn to perform, 1 bartender and her boyfriend, and 2 misplaced straight guys, I think those straight guys were waiting for happy hour to start at the strip bar or something.

Anyhoo, I had new material and as soon as I opened my mouth, I had them right from the get go. On night's like that, it really doens't matter how many people are in the audience, good material is good material. I was in such a good mood I think I was having a performance orgasm, really, I was just tinkled pink the whole time I was up there. I was soo hot on stage I could do no wrong. Lastnight's experience reminded me that doing this whole stand up thing makes it worthwhile and fun. I'm sure I'll get a chance to share those jokes again with another larger crowd but for lastnight, it was definitely great for what it was, I just wanted to share that with you guys. Now see, doesn't this blog have a sincere, "I want to share this with you" , energy to it?


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Waiting for my first cute stalker!

I know this is bad but since myspace turned on it's new app - my stalkers.. or oooppss..uurr.. I mean uh.. "my visitors" , I've been waiting for some cute stalkers to stop by on my myspace page.

I'm pretty sure all myspace users now have a new choice where you can turn either leave it on or turn it off and continue to cruise anonymously. Whatever.

I really do appreciate everyone who stops by and reads my blogs. I just have this fantastic fantasy that one of my readers is a huge gay porn star and when my page shows that he stopped by, I'm going to send him a note saying, "thanks for stopping by" and then he's going to send me a note back saying, "oh, you caught me" and then after that, we're both going to strike up an interesting conversation, get to know each other and then a year down the road he's going to dedicate his next gay porn movie to me. He's gonna say look for him half way through the movie throwing a wink at the camera and that's for me.

hehee... I loves my imagination!


Monday, September 27, 2010


don't mind this blog everyone, I'm testing to see if it's linked to my twitter account, there was a slight jump on my blog hit counter and I was wondering where it came from... I know right... I was like, "wow, people are reading my blogs, that unusual" ...


SFICC vlog day 6

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Week 22

This week's weigh in: 254

This week's weigh in wasn't too bad considering how much stress I've had to deal with in the comedy competition. On opening night, they provided pizza/soda for the contestants and they gave us meal vouchers from the casino buffet and then lastnight, I ate Mcdonalds after having another shitty show. On the upside, I did manage to get my 4 excercises this week. So I guess I'll have to handle eating habits better for when I get stressed out.


SFICC vlog day 4

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

SFICC vlog day 1

The differences between me & Jerry

My brain operates differently from other comedians, for instance when it comes to observing dogs, here's where me and Jerry Seinfeld differ.

Jerry Seinfeld - Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

Me - Do you guys ever notice that dogs can take a shit in public without anyone ever batting a single eyelash, I wish I could do that.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

I Wanna Fuck You in the Ass !!

Oh snap girlfriends, I found this one really old house song that I use to dance to in the 90's. OMG! This song was very 1995 when I was getting my groove on with my pony tail, long sleeve sweaters, docker shorts, and my high top boots! And hell yes I was looking cute! Damn this song use to make me feel all sassy on the dance floor! For anyone whose never heard of real underground house music, this genre was the shit!

This song came out during a time when the Hualapai queens use to come visit me in Oakland, we hung out and partied with this local trannie hooker named Angel that we met at Bench & Bar in Oakland. So anyhoo, after the girls went back to AZ, I knew it was going to be just me and Angel and I distinctly remember telling Angel, "you know, when these girls leave, you know we're going to be become really good friends" , and so that's what happened.

So fast forward to when me and Angel use to kick it at The Box on Thursday nights, this song came out and I was seriously getting my groove on the dance floor. That's when Angel gave me the best compliment in the world, she said, "you danced really good to that song" !! That's funny she said because that night I was really feeling this song and the lyrics. In a way this song makes me sad because all these years later it's too bad that I never found a good man to do it to me on the regular!

Regardless if I never found a man or not, I just want everyone to know that I still gots it!


Week 21

Today's Weigh in: 253

Now that's more like it! I lost 3 lbs this week and that seems very reasonable. I really think eating my high fiber cereal in the mornings really helps my bowel movements. On the back of the cereal box it says you're supposed to eat the mini wheats and then go do some excercise to get the fiber going, that's what I've been doing and it's been working! That's what I'm talking about, I must've took atleast a 5 good dumps this week!

I'm still on track. And you know, I still don't feel like giving up. Usually right about now I start leveling out and want to give into a cheeseburger and I don't. In other news, I finally went and bought some new clothes this past week. That felt really good. I actually bought some new smaller jeans. I'm not going to start calling them skinny jeans until I drop more weight so for now, I'm going to keep call them smaller jeans. Stay well everyone!


Friday, September 17, 2010

Shiny Disco Balls

Every now and then there will come a really good techno song that will make me dance all robotic on the dancefloor, this is one of them. This song has got a nice build up and to experience it fully, you need to hear it in the club!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Still Going For It !!

Yes, I'm chipper. This evening one of my L.A. comedy friends sent me the phone # for a Diversity Comedy Showcase that CBS is holding in L.A.

I'm going to call tomorrow afternoon and see if I can get an audition. As they say in show business, as one door closes another one opens. I really hope something beneficial can come out've this.

I can't keep thinking about all the negative stress in my head that goes along with being a professional performer. I feel like with all the hard work, time, commitment that I've put into stand up comedy career, I've should've hit by now.

I have the material, talent, and personality to back it up and in some ways I really feel like I'm being cockblocked on my every move to prevent me from being a success. I should be use to that by now, that's been happened to me a lot in college and I had to fight my way to graduate and get that degree.

I'll always remember my graduation commencement ceremony. Before we walked into Coffin Complex, all the graduates shook hands with their teachers and I was very sure to say "Thank You" to all my supporters. When we got inside and were seated, I sat directly in front an old faculty advisor who did not want to see me finish or rather he did but somewhere else. And while sitting there, I always remember the priceless look on his face because we both knew on that day I had won because I was about to walk across that stage with my diploma.

So that's where I'm at today, I'm still up against a lot of people who don't want to see me finish and right now, I'm drawing my encouragement from all the people who want to see me do well, so I can't this enough to all my friends, family, fans - Thank You !!

I really don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but what I can say for sure is that I'm going remain positive, ambitious, and all together fabulous!


Sunday, September 12, 2010

American Indian Meatballs

My secret recipe for American Indian meatballs.

Mix ground hamburger with chopped onions, bell peppers, add spicies ie. salt/pepper/cayenne pepper, 2 eggs and bread crumbs. Mix thoroughly, then make tiny little balls to brown in the pan. Remember to roll occasionally to get all sides brown.

Next drain and clean pan.

For meatball marinade sauce, add in a seperate container BBQ Sauce, worchester sauce, honey and 2 cups of water. Mix sauce for consistency, put pan heat on low, combine marinade sauce and meatballs and let sit for 1 hour on low heat. Stir occasionally.

Bon appetite!


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Week 20

Today's Weigh in: 256

I'm alright with that. This week started off heavy but midway threw I got my shit in gear and ate better. For this week, I ate a good bowl of frosted mini wheats in the morning,*high in fiber* a banana, and some ice cream. So you guessed it, after eating all that, sometime in the afternoon that's when my bowel movements kick in and then I'm good to go.

The only suckie thing for me this past week was not getting in my 4 excercise activities, I only managed to get 2 jogs this past week because I was volunteering my time for the SF Fringe Festival.

I still feel good and motivated!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Stop Trippin Girlfriend

Okay people, it's late and I should be in bed by now but this was too irresistible to pass up. I just saw this on the main yahoo home page, it's one of those love quizzes, poll, questionaires from, anyhoo, this time it says - 5 Reasons Why He Didn't Call You Back AFter The First Date!!

OMG, of course I had to read through and see how bogus they were. So here's what said and then after that are my reasons why his ass didn't call you back, here we go, from

Reason #1: You talk, but don’t listen

Reason #2: You use conversation as therapy

Reason #3: You’re a little too enthusiastic about him

Reason #4: Your idea of chit-chat is politics, religion and other heavy topics

Reason #5: You’re not relating to him — you’re testing him

Okay so anyhoo, that's what said, here are my reasons why he never called you back after the first date:

#1 - You're obviously neurotic and that's a big turn off.

#2 - You turned out to be smarter than him.

#3 - More than likely you pulled a TMI: Too Much Information.

#4 - You probably talked about long term commitments and he probably thought that was a sign you wanted marry him on the first date.

#5 - You're not as loose as he thought you were.

Happy hunting ladies!

Vitched Out

This week I've been helping part of the queer comedy sketch group, the Gay Mafia, with their, "Vitch Slapped" , run during the SF Fringe Festival. My job is to hang up the white bed sheet on the wall that acts like a movie screen. It actually works great. Here's the link below to see who I've been working with:

So far it's going great. I'm not able to fully volunteer my time with them because I have to work during the day. Today was really busy at the restaurant and then like the good samaritan I am, I still made time to go around to the hotel concierge desks and pass out flyers for their shows.

After I was done passing out flyers, I hung out downtown until the evening show started to help set up.

There are some good shows in this year's SF Fringe Festival. This Saturday I'm going to go watch, "Phone Whore" , it's about this big girl whose a phone sex operator. It should be good. I guess as long as you have a sexy voice, you can look however you want across the other phone line because really, whose going to know the difference? However, with today's technology, I'm sure Skype could change all that. And besides, I didn't think phone sex operators were still around, I thought they faded out in the late 80's with shrinky dinks.

Alright ya'll, just wanted to check in and let ya'll know what I've been up to!


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Blogged Out

Usually I have something sassy, clever, stupid, demeaning, fun, interesting or even entertaining to say in my blogs.. but lately... notta.

I have nothing to report. This past week no cute man has tried busting a move on me, no I did not recently win the lottery, and no I did not save a bunny rabit from being ran over on the highway. However, another comedian from L.A. did ask me how old I was. I'm guessing she could't tell if I was in my mid 30's or late 20's.

Alright, I'm off to SF to help out the Gay Mafia comedy sketch group, they're participating in this year's SF Fringe Festival.

I hope everybody's leading a more interesting life than I am right now.


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Week 19

Today's Weigh in 257
I'm up one 1lb, which isn't too bad for only running once this week. I ran 16 times last month and decided to gave myself a week break to get my knee's rested.

I'm going back to the F.A. diet, where you mostly eat yogurt, salads, and fruit. This past week I've been preparing myself for that and I'm ready to start September with a new attitude.

I always end strong in whatever I do so I'm predicting some good weight loss for the last two months. I just gotta stay away from the candy bars and the fast food. Instead of eating a butterfinger, I'm going to have an orange, instead of a having greasy hamburger, I'm going to ask for the Mc Salad.

Alright, happy dieting all!

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Leech Lake Trip

Hey guys, I just got back from Cass Lake, Minnesota. The Social Services Outreach & Training Dept. brought me in to entertain their social workers on a weekend work retreat.

Wow, what an amazing show! There were with me from the beginning, middle, to the end. One of the best compliments I got was from this one lady, she said, "I've always known the lady sitting next to me to be very reserved but man, you had her laughing really good" . That made me feel great.

This was my very first trip to MN and I always get nervous, scared, & excited whenever I visit a new place for the very first time.

My first impression of flying into St. Paul/Minneapolis, I noticed there were a lot of tree's and it was very green.

I picked up my car rental and had a 3 hr. drive up North to the Leech Lake Ojibwe Indian reservation. I probably could've flown in closer but I wanted to see some country on the drive up. That probably wasn't the greatest idea on my part, I was soooooo tired when I got there. I started my day @ 5:30am and didn't arrive at the resort until 10pm. This is how tired I was, when I finally got there I parked close to the lodge entrance, Gordon came out to greet me and after we were done exchanging hello's, he walked me back to my car rental to help me upload my bags. So now remember, this is a fancy outdoor resort and there weren't a lot of lights, so the campgrounds were very dark. Anyhoo, when we got to my car, I was standing there in the dark trying to open the trunk with my key and gosh darn it, the trunk would just not open. So I asked Gordon to hold up his cellphone to see if I was putting the key in the right hole, and then I was like, well wait a minute, maybe there's a trunk button on the car rental keys, so when I pressed the button, the lights came on to the car next to us. I mean hello, like I said, it was dark, and apparently I was trying to open somebody else's trunk. Gordon busted up laughing because he was wondering why I was trying to open a car rental with tribal tags.

And oh, check this out, on the way there, I saw this huge turtle crossing the road on the highway. A friend told me once if you're from the turtle clan, you're supposed to stop and help them cross the road so they don't get ran over. That happened to me a while back in Michigan and I didn't stop in time to help a turtle, so that time it got crushed by a semi-truck. I didn't want that to happen this time so I immediately u-turned on the medium to see what I could do. So I pulled up right behind the turtle and tried to help it cross. The only problem was that the turtle wasn't having it, it crawled back into's shell like it was protecting itself. I tried to grab the big turtle by it's sides but then it came out and started snapping at me and that's when I realized this was a snapping turtle and if I wasn't careful I could lose a finger. I'm glad that turtle didn't bite me because I probably would've killed that turtle myself. I know, see what happens when you try to do a good deed. So, I was having no luck trying to get that turtle to cross the highway, everytime I moved to try and grab it, it moved in a circle just like I did. I tried using my some banana peels to lure him over but that didn't work either. That turtle probably just thought, "why are you trying to lure me in with banana peels, what in the hell happened to the banana's inside the peels you dummy" ? I know right. So to make a long story short, this pick up truck stopped and helped me move the snapper. They asked me if I had a crow bar and I said no. So they busted out with this rope, partnered up, held the rope under the turtle from both sides and proceeded to flip it over until it was off the highway. I was scared they would've hurt the turtle but then that lady said, "these turtles have been known to flip over big rigs" . Wow, are you serious? So I guess that turtle was ready to do some serious damage. Maybe I just prevented a accident? I don't know but the next time I see a turtle on the road I'm going to make sure I have a crow bar unless of course it's a baby turtle because then I'll probably just use a toothpick to flip it over, just kidding.

Let's see, yeah, that was my trip in a nut shell. I got to visit the Mystic Lake Casino on my way back to the airport. The Shakapee Sioux have the 3rd biggest grossing Indian casino in the U.S. and I wanted to see if it was all that, it was alright. I liked the layout but I thought the Northern Lights Casino in Walker had a better motif. I was probably there for 20 minutes playing pull tabs, yup, gotta keep it real.

Did I forget to mention I went to the Mall of America while I was there? The Mall of America is the 2nd biggest mall on the North American continent, 2nd to the one in Edmonton, Canada. Anyhoo, yeah that sucker was big. I did my lap around the horse shoe to check it out. They had every store you could think of inside. I took some really great pictures in the Butterfly exhibit and I'll load those pics later.

All and all, this was a great trip. The landscape was beautiful and the 10,000 Lakes of Minnesota lived up to it's name, the lakes that I saw were very beautiful and every bit breathtaking. My only regret from this trip is that I didn't get a chance to purify myself in Lake Minnetonka, next time for sure!

Alright, I made it home safe and now it's time to pay some bills, finally.